RETURN OF THE DEAD ELEPHANT

I'm more than one thousand percent sure that nobody will even pick up on my blog anymore since it's been since 2010 since I last rustled something up but like any good tv show - a return is always good and dramatic and can boost ratings. Facebook and Twitter and some things called instagram and 4 square do all sorts of check ins and photos and snippety things but I'm not the kind of person to be limited to 140 characters when a lot of them are exclamation marks. So much has happened in the world of HIGH CAMP CARESS MORELL. TV shows have been watched, places have been travelled and people seen. I'm like Glasgow's answer to - me or some other pop culture whore bag. I may never post again, though that would be rude considering last week I rewatched Flamingo Road with Joan Crawford. I even sneaked in an episode of the 80s soapie with Morgan Fairchild, Mark Harmon and David Selby although Joan in the movie is far more satisfying. Her eyebrows were growing nicely as she tries to pull off being a carnival girl, naturally after 48 minutes, she becomes swathed in mink and ready to be on the right side of the tracks. It was all terribly soapie but Joan gives good brow action and is really the only reason to watch. They don't make them like that any more. If they did, it would be Miley Cyrus uttering the infamous line "you have no idea how difficult hit is to get rid of a dead elephant"

UPSTAIRS OR DOWNSTAIRS

Have just spent the last hour thoroughly enjoying the revamped BBC version of Upstairs Downstairs. I was too young to have watched the first episode but it was a TV show that I remember my parents and Nana talk about being a great show with Gordon Jackson and really was one of those shows that was revered and spoken about for 35 years til the remake.

Now there has been some rivalry as ITV has been playing Downton Abbey with Maggie Smith at the helm and it has garnered rave reviews and massive ratings in the UK. The BBC have been cautious by running this as a 3 parter over 3 nights. Now I received Downton Abbey on dvd as a Xmas present and will be lapping that up but to avoid comparisons, haven't watched so I can enjoy Upstairs Downstairs and I must say - when the British decide to, nobody can beat them with high class and excellently acted drama peppered with comedy.

The whole hour set the scene so well with Jean Marsh (the original creator) revisiting the role of Rose Buck who becomes housekeeper of 165 Eaton Place. You can see that money has been spent on this production and it's all on screen. The set design is beyond superb, attention to detail is terrific and every scene peels back the layers of both Upstairs and Downstairs. Upstairs is affected by national events, the King has just died in 1935 at the start of the show - there's even a cameo by Wallis Simpson! The real meat and potatoes drama seems to be downstairs with drunk teenage footmen and a butler with a past.

Dame Eileen Atkins plays the Dowager with a monkey as a pet and I must say, she is superb. She created the show with Jean Marsh and seeing them together in a scene was more than magical. Glamorous, educational and brilliantly acted - the best hour of drama TV I've seen in a while - and probably will until I watch some Downton Abbey!

WHEN ALL IS SAID AGAIN

Continuing on this review......

TOP TV MOMENTS - Again I can't list these in order of importance as they are all nothing short of fucking crazy amazing.

1 - Real Housewives of New Jersey - Teresa and Danielle going at it "Is Bitch Betta?" And then Danielle causing Teresa to have possibly a hairier baby than herself when questioning that Teresa's husband had a fling with her cousin?! I think.

2 - Eastenders and Corrie Live - Both excellent although I'm always an Easties fan so seeing Bradley move even after dying or Scott Maslen screw up his lines was great viewing. In Corrie, I expected more death after that tram crashed in. Rita telling the fireman to help himself to a toffee was rather inspired.

3 - Glee Season 1 Finale - Bohmeian Rhapsody intercut the choreography with a birth equals TV gold.

4 - Vampire Diaries Season 1 Finale - OMG Damon kissed Elena, Elena chops off John's fingers, FUCK! It's Katherine and John gets stabbed. I knew it was her, she had a kink in her hair!

5 - Dannii returns to X Factor - 3 outfit changes a new haircut and all filmed in Oz is what's called "upping the ante"

6 - Kylie and Scissor Sisters at Glastonbury - Saw on TV as she joined the band for Any Which Way and the crowd went ape-shit.

7 - True Blood Eric - I thought he was dead, well deader than a vampire normally is but no, he turns up full of mud and still manages to piss off Sookie.

8 - Robert McAllister dies in Brothers and Sisters - A car crash, lots of blood, Saul may have had HIV for like 100 years but Robert is really hurt and I cried like a bitch. It's because it was Rob Lowe.....

9 - Real Housewives of DC Reunion - Cat says Bollocks a lot and sounds so husky her voice could pull a sled AND she's British and still needs subtitles for the US viewers.

10 - The A List New York - Ryan says Reichen's play was "delicious" What a bitch! Although not as bitchy as Derek or maybe or Austin or maybe TJ - Fuck it, they are all bitches! I love it!

11 - Lauren Samuels singing Being Alive - Tacky reality show Over The Rainbow is too camp for words. Lauren Samuels sang the shit out of every song and yes she wasn't Dorothy. She's too good for Dorothy, get that girl in Company to sing Being Alive every night!

WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE 2010

2010 should be and is made up of categories. Rather than a blah post of me commenting on all sorts of camp I thought a few lists would seal the deal a bit and summarise partly what's steamed my pudding this year - if I can remember!

TOP TRACKS
In chronological order from January to December when they are on my monthly playslists on iTunes - Does anyone else do this? Rather than playlist each album or artist I have a month where I add tracks and just play.

JAN
Take A Bow - Glee Cast - Perfect cover, better than Rihanna's original

FEB
Come To Me - France Joli - Further Tales of The City inspired this 9 minute Canadian disco classic
Parachute - Cheryl Cole - The only Cheryl song that I remotely like

MAR
On A Mission - Gabriela Cilmi - Pop 2010 at it's best
Telephone - Lady Gaga and Beyonce - Great track, better video although what was with all the movie stuff - just play the record Lady GooGoo

APR
Love, Violent Love - Music Go Music - Early ABBA with glam rock rolled into 2010 fusion makes amazing pop track
Pretender - Elouise - An amazing voice from a girl who looks a bit council at times
Vertigo/Relight My Fire - Dan Hartman - Disco's most perfect 9 minute segue. Takes me on a journey very few tracks ever have and hearing it played at a nightclub in April was SPECTACULAR

MAY
Earthquake - The Flirtations - HI NRG track to do dramatic head movements to on a dancefloor or possibly just your living room.

JUNE
Everything is Beautiful - Kylie - A hark back to Kylie's Got To Be Certain days, mid temp slice of dynamite
Aphrodite - Kylie - Title track on her new album, fierce and feeling mighty all the way for me. The drum beat is addictive.
Night Work - Scissor Sisters - Starts their new album off so well and even better live in concert. This song really came alive for me.

JUL
Running Out - Scissor Sisters - The track to get me moving with any hangover, the beat is dirty and reminds me of dirtier dancefloor times.

AUG
Head First - Goldfrapp - This may sound tacky but this song reminds me so much of the end credits and incidental music played during Joan Collins mini series Sins. Played a lot this year!

SEP
Silver Lining - Hurts - Haunting, amazing voice, beautiful lyrics, epic, perfect melancholy pop track. Saw them in Oran Mor at start of October and this whetted my appetite for a blindingly good gig.

OCT
Gotta Go - Alexandra Burke - Best track on her album I rediscovered this month. Very different track and I love the fact that she sounds like she smokes 40 cigs a day and can still hit the notes required.

NOV
Kidz - Take That - Relentless beat that gets in your head as quickly as a Kylie track. The song is high tempo, sharp and with a hint of camp

DEC
Can We Try Again - Technique - A slice of early 80s disco from The Saint. The perfect song for a gay club. A real campy disco high tempo beat, lyrics about meeting on a dancefloor, potential for poppers moments throughout and what seems like a big camp American male choir on vocals belting it out.
When All Is Said And Done - Abba - Forgotten track from The Visitors still worth a listen or 300

CHRISTMAS WITH CHRISSIE

Saturday night was one of the best nights out I've ever had. My all time favourite actress from Prisoner Cell Block H came to Glasgow for a fan event and I was enraptured. Amanda Muggleton returned to the UK and sparkled like Xmas. She was beyond fabulous, answered loads of questions about cast members and her time on the show, her time on Richmond Hill and lots of her theatre work. What was also nice was that she came round the entire table and gave us all a kiss hello and when she came to me she said "I met you before in Birmingham" which was wonderful for me as a huge fan!! She also dished with some gossip and told naughty stories.

One such story was that in a dining room scene early on, she had to make Carol Burns (Frankie Doyle) laugh on cue. Carol was notorious for being in character so Amanda as Chrissie whispered in her ear about Peta Toppano (Karen Travers) "I bet she farts when she fucks"

Amanda spent so much time the fans signing autographs, getting photos taken in her Chrissie outfit, she seemed to like my chest so she signed that as you can see from the photo above! I won an auction item of a rare framed photo of Amanda and Joan Ferguson. Maggie Kirkpatrick had signed this a few weeks before at an event and Amanda wrote a wonderful dedication to me. Everyone raved about the event and it truly was magical. Then the organiser Barry Campbell text me the next day to pick up the photo from the hotel as I'd left it there and lo and behold - I met Amanda again. We sat and had a drink in the bar and got chatting on a more personal level and I've come to the conclusion that she really is a wonderful lady. My lasting memory is walking Amanda to the train station arm in arm with her calling me "Her hero" I could swoon right now!!! One of Australia's best loved TV actresses and prolific theatre actresses and she was nothing short of amazing.

WELL, THAT WAS A HIATUS AND A HALF

It sometimes seems as though this year, my blogging has taken a major back seat - with Twitter and Facebook and any other various ways of communicating to friends and people you really don't know from all over the world - blogging can get so 2004 for me.

The thing with blogging is that it does give me more of a chance to express myself in more than 140 characters (not that I'm a huge tweeter though do have an addiction to Facebook)

So this hiatus has included going to the gym an awful lot, booking up another holiday to NYC in January, seeing my friend recover rather brilliantly from a brain tumor, drinking a lot of alcohol, having some filthy sex and meeting some stars from Prisoner including Joan The Freak Ferguson. For the record, she was quite funny at times but didn't really want to be at the event if I'm being honest and was there just to make the money it appeared.

I could expand more on this but I'm pretty sure my 140 characters are up or that my one reader other than myself has a status update to complete! Will be checking in later as I have YET to complete my Top 25 Camp Movies of All Time some 4 years after starting it I think.

I've also been going against the grain and enjoying the company of men who are all in their twenties and younger than me for the most part. It's possible that my Dirty Thirties are taking over and I'm becoming one of those faux confident men I used to like the look of when I was first out on the gay scene. This however, completely threw me at the weekend when I met a guy who was fashionista fabulous and so hip it hurt. I was slightly tongue tied as he's cute as hell but we will see if I see him out again and am drunk enough to school this twenty something guy in the ways of this thirty something blogger! At the very least, I want to check out his piercings and bizarre hair cut!

WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE PARIS

The new Fall TV season has started in full - Glee is on, Gossip Girl, Vampire Diaries, Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters.

Gossip Girl was eternally glamorous with some of the cast in Paris for a few episodes. It made me want to go back and mince down some alleyways and drink enough wine to sink the Titanic.

Vampire Diaries is cliffhangertastic. I can't cope with all the twists from episode to episode but the gorgeous male cast make up for it.

Glee is very very good again. Introducing the butch Miss Shannone Bieste pronounced Beast was fabulous and she shows real heart.

Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters have lost their mojo. Vanessa Williams is ok as newcomer Renee but this show should have stopped as should Brothers and Sisters without Rob Lowe. These were two shows I adored. In fact, I reported on Desperate Housewives way way before the premiere date and although some of the lines are still zingy - there's no pizazz. Even cameos from a lot of the original players such as Christine Estabrook and Steven Culp could make me excited. I expect better and although the fiesty Felicia Tillman is back, I just don't get how they kept the audience in suspense by her announcing from her prison cell that her nemesis Paul will be dead in 6 months because she has friends in Wisteria Lane - I don't remember her having any friends at all. The jury's out. But like Gossip Girl - we'll always have Paris.

PS - Did I mention how sucky the final episode of True Blood was?

AUTUMN OR FALL?

I have booked a trip to NYC! Am going in January with Cameron and we are going to paint that freezing town red hot - well that's the plan and I can't wait! Have been looking to book a holiday for ages and this will be a great time of shows, drinks, hot guys and mincing up 5th Avenue in winter warmers!

I have also just seen a listing for Armistead Maupin's new book - Mary Ann in Autumn which is released in November. Now I admit I was a Johnny Come Lately with his previous novel, Michael Tolliver Lives and read it about two years after it had been released which was ridiculous really as I devoured the original 6 books of Tales Of The City. The cover looks great and I adore Maupin's writing style - it's like meeting up with an old friend whenever I read any of these books as the characters are so relatable even 30 years after they were originally written. Mary Ann Singleton as a character changed the most throughout the novels and appeared briefly in the last one so I'm looking forward to seeing how her story has evolved with Maupin's usual wit.

I managed to run the Great Scottish Run yesterday and my pins are sore today. It was only 10km but with little training and a sore knee I delivered in 51 minutes which was fabulous and I have a great sense of achievement. I nearly fell a few times throughout and was struggling but the last 3km I got my head down and just got in to the race!