MY LIFE AS A GANGSTER'S MOLL

Went to lunch yesterday with Cam for a chew and chat. On Friday night I clocked my first ever boyfriend, let's call him Peachy (cos that's what we call him). Peachy was a strange one and we don't talk anymore but I was telling Cam and I was regaling him with stories of Peachy trying to be a shady businessman and apparently he was wanted by the coppers a while after we split which was like 6 years ago. My time with Peachy was eventful and involved hookers, strip bars, viewing restaurants to let, almost setting up an escort agency and fucking in his father's bed! I kinda worshipped Peachy for a while and when it was over vowed never to be a puppy dog again. Cam found all this quite funny. Especially when I mentioned that this girl Peachy knew had diddled some REAL gangsters out of thousands of pounds so as punishment they sent her up to an old hotel in the North of Scotland and made her paint it. Peachy was looking alright on Friday but not well enough for me to want to speak to him again - I did however think back to the times when after sex in his car he would open up the glove compartment and use sanitary wipes to clean up my spunk - he was a "no muss no fuss" kinda boy, I found this process rather odd but eventually we got round that hurdle when on the point of me coming I would slam my cock in his mouth and he'd have to eat my jizz. Now that's what I call "no muss no fuss"!

Was completely shitfaced last night - Jon and I were the only ones out although Stewart and Cam were both working. David stayed in with Julia and had a curry - I think they were planning their outfits for Halloween tonight. Was having shots with most drinks and those bastarding barmen Dean and Scott gave us something a lot stronger than I imagined, Jon told me it was Pineapple Sourz but it tasted stronger than Tequila. I later discovered it was a Flatliner (fuck knows what was in it) - Cut to me at 3 o'clock this arvo in my parent's driveway being sick as a dog. My mum laughed as she saw I was getting more and more pale and white so naturally she went round a roundabout 3 times just to get me dizzy and called me a pisshead. I wonder if that's where I get my vindictive streak from. Despite all the sickness I had a fucking fabulous night, Jon and I danced away and Stewart chauffeuered me home where I hurled down the toilet before going to sleep. Jon was talking to his kinda ex Peter Peter Compulsive Eater for a bit last night so I blethered to Cam and to my old neighbour Steven. He's such a sweet guy and uber genuine. His friend with the desert disease from his party was out as well - they were dressed as doctors and his friend who's called Rob had a wig on aswell. He doesn't normally wear a wig - it was part of the costume although he is balding a bit. I managed to pull of the wig on the dancefloor and put it on myself. It was a bit cheeky but Rob's a good sport and we had a laugh - he's also got rather a fat knob - this I know cos I was rubbing it and let me tell you he may not have much on top but there's plenty down below. Penfold was also out - he's contracted the desert disease aka Wandering Palm problem too. He had asked if he could make dinner for me a few weeks ago - I politely declined saying that I dance every night. He challenged that objection so I replied that I just didn't eat! He twitched in my direction last night and we had a chat - he was supposed to buy me a shot at the bar but returned empty handed - for that faux pas I vaguely remember slapping him and storming off to the bar with Jon to get our own. I'm kinda glad I turned down dinner - if he can't even get a drink right imagine what it's be like at a meal!