It has been almost a month since my last post. Since posting I have been on a few holidays, changed work locations and partied my tits off to be honest.
I will start almost at the start. At the start of October, I headed to London for a few night to see my mate Rod and also see Sister Act - The Musical. Don't go, save your money - it's shit, just listen to the soundtrack. I actually fell asleep at the start although I think it had more to do with the bottles of champagne and the wine with dinner that got me merry. After Sister Act, we had more drinks. I told Rod I wanted a bit of sleaze so we went to the sauna which was great. He thought it would be quiet. Quiet to him maybe, but to me it was as busy as Argyle Street in City Centre of Glasgow on a Saturday afternoon. Anyone who's been will tell you - it's mobbed. Like the sauna. I had some fun which was good! The next day was out in town and then more drinking at a wonderful night called Duckie. It was in Vauxhall and there was performance art and disco music so I was like "Result" We also went clubbing afterwards to another bar and met some more of Rod's mates and got more pissed. Our final day was just fabulous. Ten people at lunch celebrating someone's birthday and it went from 3pm to 3am. We had lunch at a place called The Swan which was just at The Globe Theater. It couldn't have been better as the company and the chat was fabulous. I met a guy who had had a dildo stuck up his ass and had to go to hospital to have it removed. He was also from Inverness but sounded so London, i thought he was possibly channelling Peggy Mitchell.
Somehow dragged my booze soaked carcass back to Glasgow where my body gave up on me for two days. I was supposed to train my ass off for going to New York (more of that in a minute) and I just couldn't do it. I thought I was coming down with a cold but it didn't kick in. My liver was on the verge of packing in and I told Cameron that I was really rough. I managed to get packed and we made our just over a fortnight ago to NYC for a holiday and to see Kylie in concert.]
We arrived safely and got chatting to a guy who works in Armani on the train into Manhattan. This was a good contact to have as I'm a bit of an Armani whore. Cameron and I got to the hotel and dumped our stuff and headed up to Times Square. Jon and Jon were also arriving so we minced about waiting for them. The weather was good and the steps and the changes in Times Square mean you can sit about all over the place. It felt like being back home as we had been a few months earlier this year but fabulous nonetheless. That night, we had some dinner in the East Village and went to some gogo boy bars. It was fine and the drinks were strong. I love American men, they have tits, teeth and guns (some literally!) We went to The Cock which had a sign "No Sexual Activity Allowed" and I was given a ticket saying this also. This led me to believe the place had been busted. I fucked a guy in the toilets in there once so nothing surprises me about it. I knew this wasn't really the other boys bag so we left and had a semi early night on the first night.
The next day Cameron and I did some shopping and met up with Renee whom we met the last time we were there. She stays in Brooklyn and is fierce like Tyra but more fabulous. Her brother Ryan joined us and we danced the night off in a bar called Amalita. It was mobbed and the music was great. I was slightly concerned over Jon's three quarter length trousers at the start of the night but soon got into our groove and also met some other boys from Glasgow over for Kylie aswell. Renee was getting us into the music and telling us all sorts of crazy stories - she got me downloading Kim from The Real Housewives Of Atlanta's song "Tardy For The Party" It's so bad it's amazing. I was then introduced to another friend of Ryan's and I ended up taking him back to the hotel whilst giving him some decent head in the taxi there. He was a dirty bitch and let me film him and his massive cock. New York boys are sluts and so am I!
Ryan had put us off seeing any shows I suggested but we thought "Fuck It" so the next night I went to get tickets for Naked Boys Singing. It was in a cool venue in the Theatre District and it really was just naked boys singing. A very funny show with lots of laughs and hot boys. Especially hunk of the day, Dave August. He's delicious. Afterwards we were having dinner with more Scottish boys at Room Service, a fabulous Thai restaurant. The food was great and we had a laugh although eating late in Manhattan and then getting your drink on is never a good option and I had an early night.
We trawled round Central Park on Sunday and saw an almost organised roller disco in the park. Only in New York do grandmas and Thai brides put on some glitter and rollerblade together around Central Park! More clothes shopping and a great dinner at Lips the drag queen serving restaurant followed by a long session in The Duplex made it very special. We propped ourselves up at the bar and met the staff who were singing their asses off. We met Poppi Kramer who is a barmaid but was on the US version of The Biggest Loser and was hilarious - the free drinks helped aswell. Shanna Sharp also hosted the bar and sang to me, what a voice and it was just a magical evening!
Being so rough after all this time, I was unsure how much of a climax or anti climax Kylie would be. Well she was superb. She seemed much more relaxed than on other tours and was having loads of fun. Although the queue was literally round the block, we had good standing position and were right beside Jake Shears and BabyDaddy from The Scissor Sisters. It was surreal to see Jake Shears sing White Diamond and I Believe In You as he'd written these with Kylie. My last day in NYC was coming up and I had to maintain my crown as the holiday whore. Cameron had met a guy and hooked up with him 2 nights in a row so I simply had to get back in the game. We got shitfaced in G Lounge, the night after Kylie and as the boys were going home, I jumped in a cab down to The Cock - I knew it was a spooge bar worth spooging and I'm the dame to prove it. I went in and grabbed a beer and sat down and got talking to a lovely black guy called Rich. We got friendly and I took him in a cab back to the hotel. Things were going well until he said he didn't suck dick. I told him "We're done" so he got dressed and left. Then I thought it was my last night in NYC, I wasn't wasting it - so jumped a cab back to The Cock and within a minute or two, met a Latino guy called Umberto. Now I know you may think I'm whorish - which I am. Umberto and I didn't waste time and rather than go to my hotel, he took my drunken ass back to his place in Brooklyn. What happened after that I would like to forget some of it but I won't! He spoke with a lovely accent and we got to his apartment and were getting down to business, took a few naps and I awoke and it was daylight and I was sober.
I woke up in a room that if I had been sober, I would never have entered. It was like the episode of Sex and The City where Carrie goes home with Timothy Olyphant's twenty-something character and wakes up in a shithole. It was quite like that. Umberto went to shower and I tried to dress without touching anything. I did notice he had a small fish tank with a single fish and a FROG in it. Beside the fish/frog tank I saw a picture of my fuck with THE BIG O. Yes, apparently whenever she's in town, Oprah dines at the restaurant in NYC that Umberto manages. I could have died and kind of hoped I was dreaming but when I left with a smile and promise to call him, I knew I was in reality. I wandered about aimlessly for a while, trying to find a subway to Manhattan. I found one and got to Manhattan, changed trains and stupidly got in a train back to fucking Brooklyn. Eventually I got back to Manhattan just in time to shower the filth smell off me and get packed. This holiday whore had taken it for the team!
Since then it's been work work work and getting positively raped at the gym to get back into some level of fitness which is kind of happening. I went for another workout today and managed it without wanting to throw up or pass out which is progress. Now all this holiday shenanigans talk is making me want to book another holiday.....
