ST JOAN OF CRAWFORD

I love Joan Crawford, she's one of the most glamorous women ever and also thanks to her, I have a finer appreciation of shoulder pads, punishing children and eyebrow plucking. So in the same vein as my Bette Davis post, here's Joanie....


- Was actually called Lucille LeSueur and then known as Bille Cassin. When she arrived at MGM, they held a competition to name the new star, a disabled woman won by naming her Joan Crawford.

- Was obsessed with cleaning. When a plumber installed a new toilet then used it, Joan had it ripped out and a new one fitted.

- She never drank anything less than 100 proof Smirnoff vodka and carried a flask of it around at all time. The flask was covered in the same fabric as the outfit she was wearing at the time.

- Joan had an outfit for writing her fanmail in.

- Had an affair with Clark Gable and was caught having sex with him by columnist Adela Rogers St John. The next day Adela received a note from Joan saying 'I bet you were thrilled watching'

- Had a spell in the 50s where she would drive the highways and pick up men at roadside bars and motels. This ended when she woke up in a motel room with a black eye and her money stolen

- She had a cinema in her Brentwood mansion that had a self contained kitchen. Her lover fell asleep during a screening, so Joan locked him in. He made breakfast the next morning and smashed a window to get out. Joan phoned him later in a rage "How dare you leave my house without washing the dishes?!!"

- She left nothing in her will for 2 of her children, Christina and Christopher 'for reasons well known to them' Christina got her revenge by writing the best selling 'Mommie Dearest' portraying Joan as a raging psychotic alcoholic mother who beat her children up.

- Joan hated her co-star Mercedes McCambridge on Johnny Guitar and in a drunken state, grabbed all of McCambridge's clothes from her hotel room and threw them onto the road.

- Joan pursued Henry Fonda and knitted him asequined jockstrap to wear.

- After husband Al Steele died she took his position on the board of Pepsi and had the Pepsi jet redecorated to her own liking.

- Won an Oscar for her portrayal of Mildred Pierce when she had joined Warner Bros. However on the night of the ceremony, she had a 'cold' which prevented her from attending. When it was announced that she won, Joan picked herself up and answered the front door to the reporters and had her picture taken in bed with her Oscar.

- When she was in the UK to publicise 'Berserk' she was addressed as 'Her Serene Crawfordship'

- Joanie kept her children tied in bed at night with heavy canvas straps.


**** JOAN ON JOAN ****

"I need sex for a clear complexion, but i'd rather do it for love"

"I, Joan Crawford, believe in the dollar. Everything I earn, I spend"

"Spare the rod and you have brats"

"I never go out unless I look like Joan Crawford, the movie star. If you want to see the girl next door - go next door"

"Recently I heard a wise guy story that I had a party for 25 men. It's an interesting story, but I don't know 25 men I'd want to invite to a party"

"If you've earned a position, be proud of it. Don't hide it. I want to be recognized. When I hear people say 'there's Joan Crawford' I turn around and say 'Hi, how are you?"

"You have to be self reliant and strong to survive in this town. Otherwise it will destroy you"

"Hollywood is tough on hasbeens. My phone stopped ringing. Old friends stopped coming by. If it wasn't for my husband and my family, I would have gone crazy"

"You asked for Joan Crawford, you got Joan Crawford . And Joan Crawford always comes first on the marquee!"


**** JOAN ON OTHERS ****

"The name sounded familiar, but I didn't realise I had worked with him" - Ward Bond

"For her and her alone, could have been a lesbian" - Greta Garbo

"I have just come from the Actors Studio where I saw Marilyn Monroe. She had no girdle on and her ass was hanging out. She is a disgrace to the industry"

"Miss Taylor is a spoiled, indulgent child, a blemish on public decency" - Elizabeth Taylor

"Until you can afford to buy your wife real pieces of jewellery, don't buy her anything" - to Aaron Spelling

"Oh, anyone over 15 is okay" on her fancy men

"A louse, a leech, a drunk who could charm the skin off a snake" - her brother, Hal

"Get him out of the saddle and you've got nothing" - John Wayne


**** OTHERS ON JOAN ****

"Even in her bath, Joan Crawford looked as if she were about to make a public appearance, just incase a crowd happened to drop by" - Radie Harris

"There are of course, actors and actresses who would glasgly supply the oil if they could be sure Joan would be boiled in it" - John O'Hara

"My idea of a movie star is Joan Crawford who can chew up 2 directors and 3 producers before lunch" - Shelley Winters

"I'd probably rather have a cannibal for a co-star" - Anthony Perkins

"She's like that old joke about Philadelphia. First prize, 4 years with Joan. Second prize, 8" - Franchot Tone

"Hitler's diaries were released today. It turns out that he too dated Joan Crawford" - Johnny Carson

"Joan and I began at MGM together. She was such a pretty girl. All of the men wanted to fuck her. And most of them did" - Fellow MGM actress

"I have great admiration for her as an actress. But she's a slut. Her whole life is an act. She is what she says she is, a cheap flapper who likes to get laid" Louis B Mayer