THE SCHOOL BULLIES

Just arrived from a weekend in Manchester. I haven't been down since August last year and to be honest, nothing's really changed. It was only Jon and myself that went down, Cam and Stewart had to work and David is in frantic rehearsals for his toe tapping extravaganza this week (he's appearing in an am-dram production of 42nd Street) So it was good to get away and I totally loved sitting on Canal Street for most of yesterday afternoon having a few vodkas and eyeing up the guys strutting past in their tightest jeans and slackest asses. Jon has totally different taste in what we think is a good looking guy but I think we learned to appreciate a fine specimen of the male form and also what is rather munterish!

We went to see Kylie again on Saturday which was amazing and as always she was fabulous. I also caught up in some much needed sleep as my disco naps turned into almost fully fledged sleeping sessions so I was completely rested aswell as having the occasional vodka and amyl nitrate when we were out - just to keep the evening ticking over! The good thing about Manchester is the choice of bars - we went to see some good Northern drag, some good uplifting house and some camp cheesy music. The guys are all much about such, they could have the same faces as the guys in Glasgow but just have a different accent. Maybe i'm a bit jaded especially after my experiences of San Francisco and New York which make a weekend in Manchester rather tame in comparison. London next week should be interesting, Stewart and David are definitely going, Cameron is still unsure but I love London. The people are always in such a rush, they barge past, the bars are over priced but there's something fabulous about it. Last year when we went down, my luggage was lost on the plane but it sooooo didn't faze me because I was having such a fab time. Jon and Stewart also had fun dressing me as I was borrowing from both their wardrobes for the weekend, they thought they were Trinny and Susannah or as I like to call them 'Skinny and Fatty, the School Bullies'

I love these two bitches, they're women after my own heart. They throw poor unsuspecting women into a cupboard, covered in mirrors so that they can see themselves at every sorry, insulting angle and let me tell you - it's never pretty. They tear these women down and slowly build them up to some sort of presentable state. Trinny and Susannah chase round shopping centres if they see their project for the week deciding on something even remotely unflattering. They grab and poke around these women and grab their tits a lot and say 'tits' a lot. If they weren't so middle class ya ya's it'd be vulgar and there'd be complaints. I expecially love their critique of Camilla Parker Bowles and Prince Charles' recent wedding. They provided the commentary for fashion, they wowed at even the Queen, Zara Phillips and Camilla. Princess Anne however, never escaped their wrath which delighted me because she did look like a blue post office box, only they pointed it out to the 10 million people watching.

On a lighter note, my Dynasty DVD's arrived over the weekend. Who can forget the freeze frames as a veiled figure arrives at the Ted Dinard trial where Blake is up for his murder with Pamela Sue Martin in a rather fetching middle parting gasping 'My god, that's my mother!!' And yes it was!!!!
Pamela Sue's looking good as she was interviewed. Joan Collins said she was shocked that Pamela Sue wanted to leave the show, she was right though when she mimicked Pamela Sue saying 'I wanna be in movies!!' then Joan in her sardonic bitchy tone laughed 'Yeah, well what movies has she been in?!'