ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT

I haven't blogged much this past week, it's not that I've had a mega overload at work but more that there's been nothing much to blog about other than just working and dancing and working and trying to trim my weight down for my holiday in November in Gran Canaria. Now I'm no 2 tonne Tessie but I need to be more trim by eatcing things less fattening, for example, I haven't ventured into my local takeaway shop for almost 2 weeks. I am absolutely craving a pizza with chips or a burger and fries from McDonald's but so far so good, my self control has been strong. I'm plodding through Harry Potter's latest instalment - it's so readable that I'm savouring each chapter like a McDonald's milkshake as I don't want it to end.

We went out on Friday and then I did the usual and met Cameron for lunch at the Social before trawling round town looking at cute boys and porn. He was telling me about a friend who shall remain nameless - or rather I'll rename him Bettina. Bettina had gone out to the Tunnel a few Wednesdays ago and got lucky with a handsome fella(I don't know if the guy was handsome but the story plays out better if he is). They walked through town heading towards the East End when the passion just got too much for them. The heat from the nightclub went to their head and Bettina did the thing he knew best and gave some head. As he was devouring the handsome manhood with great vigour he noticed some headlights approaching the doorway where he had set up shop. He quickly got up and lo and behold - he was caught with his fly down by the good ol' boys in blue. Bettina and Handsome were chipped in the back of the paddywagon and thrown in a cell for a few hours to cool off after lewd conduct in a public place. Bettina got out at about 5am suitably embarrassed although he did ask the duty officer when breakfast was!

Do you ever get the most vivd dreams after a night out on the tiles?! Last night I dreamt I was walking along 5th Avenue with Charlotte and Carrie from Sex and the City and we were worried about Charlotte's petticoats but thankfully the rain didn't come so we could give Samantha her new horse. It's just wrong.

I headed home today for a spot of dinner with the folks, my cupboards are beyond bare and my fridge resembles that of an alcoholic with no intention of starting the 12 step program. It's all just booze and mixer. My cousin from New Zealand with the semi exotic name of Taryn is coming up next weekend. She's been hoofing it around London for a few years and before she goes back home to New Zealand is popping up for a family visit. She's coming up with her lesbian lover which should make things more interesting. Now I'm not a huge fan of the muff divers but I'll reserve judgement when it comes to family. I tend to think of the stereotypical man hating lesbian who wears a pair of baggy jeans, baggy top and a rather odd fascination with all things kd lang, candles and cats and ends up in a 5 year long term relationship. I shouldn't generalise as I've been friends with a few lezzers in my time but I just don't get it. If there's a vagina and a penis in a house fire, I save the penis every time! We'll see what her and her lovaaaaar are like as I think they're staying at mine next Saturday night, I only hope that they're fun and as they live in the centre of London, perhaps slightly cosmopolitan and fabulous!