AND GUEST STARRING.....ME!

Last night, I turned my hand to something I didn't think I ever would again - no not the carnal touch of a female's lips but rather working in a bar. Not since my halcyon days working in a glorified fish shop have I pulled a pint or poured a vodka and I was ready for the challenge - not least because I have the shakiest hands in the world, I make Michael J Fox seem cool as a cucumber.

A few nights ago I drunkenly agreed to work in my usual drinking and dancing bar, the Polo, over the festive period to help out. It wasn't until I was out drinking on Sunday that I was told that it wasn't a joke and that if I could start on Tuesday that would be fine. Well being a punctual girl I showed up and was given a tour and was terribly nervous - my hands were shaking as I served my first customer but as always with a challenge - I simply must do it which I did and although I was unsure, I think I pulled it off. I even managed to some cheeky banter with a few customers. It wasn't until last night when I was serving the gay community that I realised that some of them aren't too bad. There was a guy who I wouldn't have looked at twice and I know I've laughed at because he looks like the demon seed of Sloth from The Goonies - came to the bar and was actually rather pleasant and not at all wankerish as I perceived. Then there was the cheeky 40 year old queen who wanted wine and thought he was funny when I said it was my first night to reply with "I can tell" I laughed it off and flicked some imaginary hair in a Diana Ross way and didn't look his way the rest of the night. What was also rather worrying were the men at the bar who just sat there for hours smoking cigarettes and drinking a pint - have they got no home to go to? Do they have personality minus that no one would talk to them? Why didn't they talk to each other or even look in a direction other than straight ahead? All these questions buzzed round my head and made me thankful that I don't spend my weeknights sitting myself in a gay bar hoping for rescue or intervention.

Alan came in to see me from next door and offered a bit of chat although Lorne was gobsmacked to think that I could do it - I intend for my small stint to be like Emma Samms in Models Inc or Stephanie Beacham in Season 9 of Dynasty - like a shot of tabasco sauce as I do my special guest star appearance and spice things up over the festive period!