IT'S ALL ABOUT THE WAG

Since the start of the football world cup, the British press has been giving daily reports that have fascinated me, not about the woes and triumphs of the England team but of the WAGs. The significant others of the players, the wives and girlfriends has provided endless column inches which is just wonderful!

Now I'm not one of these Scottish people who hates the English and all that crap. I think they're generally a smart bunch and unlike a recent spate of experiences with Scottish men, I have high regard for the English homo and their ability to douche properly - and the accent gets me going. But I digress....

Before the World Cup started, Vic and David Beckham hosted their "Full Length and Fabulous Ball" on their estate with guests like Valentino, P Diddy, Karl Lagerfeld, Sarah Duchess of York, Ozzie Osbourne and all the England team with their WAG's - twas a fabulously fun affair and of course with it being the Beckham's, a TV crew filmed the lot for our own jealous eyes to watch as pig ugly couple Wayne Rooney and Colleen McLaughlin won a bid for a weekend partying with P Diddy - I dread to think what Diddy Donuts has planned for this pair aside from plenty of plastic surgery.

So as England are in Baden Baden training, the WAGs hit the tiles and get sloshed causing drunken disrepute and big spending whenever and wherever they can. There are camera's at the match, focused solely on the activities of the WAGs and what they're up to. Yesterday for instance had head WAG and all round clothes horse, Posh Spice herself, Victoria Beckham cheering on her husband's goal sitting and having a natter with popstrel and Northen thug, Cheryl Tweedy, hereafter referred to as "The Tweedy"

The Tweedy is a law unto herself as she sings in pop band Girls Aloud and makes bitchy comments about other famous British chicks in OK! and Now! and Take A Break!. Basically every magazine with an exclamation point. However The Tweedy's a tough bird and allegedly bashed a toilet attendant in a London club after the attendant asked for a tip. Northern bird, The Tweedy apparently made a few comments and lamped the bitch for her cheek!

Now then there's Colleen McLaughlin - who is vile vile vile. She's shacked up with Wayne Rooney who found Colleen so attractive that he went to a rather old hooker for sexual favours rather than face Colleen in the sack and I don't blame him. Colleen is important for doing nothing except shop and personally I think The Tweedy needs to bodyslam her into her proper place.

Various other blonde coiffed and snappily dressed chickadees are causing havoc in Germany with their sunbathing, drinking and general fun loving time all whilst supporting the men - it's all so very Footballers Wives. Now apparently though one WAG isn't too happy with Head WAG Victoria Beckham. Victoria called her "beefy" and this chick said she thought Vic was "emaciated" It's all too fabulous.