DIRTY D

Diana Ross steams my pudding. She's a Diva Originale - she may not have the biggest voice, but she's got the biggest demands. Yeah, she's a bit of a piss head and doesn't like women feeling her tits but she's a legend. Mary Wilson can go to hell and Diana can run over a Vandella if she so wishes but here's a list of some Must Listen to Miss Ross songs.

- AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN ENOUGH - Apparently it's to sound like an orgasm with lots of build up before Diana screams her way through the last minute. A brilliant song and I recently discovered the long 6 minute version where Diana chats away to the listener before going on about "no wind, no rain, no winter's cold" and all that stuff. For some inane reason, it still reminds me of the DHL advert in the early 90s that used the song for it's slogan.

- LOVE HANGOVER - In a similar vein to Ain't No Mountain, Love Hangover has a sleepy slutty dirty start before going all sleeper disco. I can imagine Diana cuttin a rug at Studio 54 snorting cocaine off Bianca Jagger's tits whilst David Bowie gets finger fucked by Halston and Liza Minnelli with this song playing in the background. A classic disco disco anthem with Miss Ross venturing into a new genre.

- THE BOSS - Total disco from start to finish. Diana heralded in the 1980s with a brilliant album and lead single. Uplifting and makes me sing out like a fishwife in the morning when getting up. Who was the Boss? Miss Ross in a gay disco extravaganza.

- I AIN'T BEEN LICKED - Not as saucy as it sounds. Diana's talking about gettting over a love affair. This song appeared on The Boss album and was a standout. Diana's all defiant with the lyrics but the beat kicks ass. There's a cheeky remix I got that makes it even faster - Diana on speed, but no booze!

- I'M STILL WAITING - I saw Diana in 1993 in her One Woman tour and she said that she sang this song only in the UK as it was a hit here. I knew she was talking shit but it made me love her more. I never did get why she was blind but liked the whole "little girl" thing. A brilliant song - She beckons "Come back, can't you see it's you I'm waiting for" and I'm loving it.

- CHAIN REACTION - Diana and the Bee Gees go back to Motown and show everyone how it's done. This song is pure class and I'm sure I had one of my first obviously gay moments when I saw the video and said how I wanted a red dress like her's with flames flying round the bottom. Diana simply excels herself with this and in concert it's even better and faster - with Chain Reaction she blew me away!

- IT'S MY TURN - If I was ever doing my Diva in Drags show this song would be it. Diana goes all torch songy on us with a simple song "I hope you'll understand this time's just for me cos It's My Turn" she sings - What cracks me up is that it's always Miss Ross's turn. And for that I'm eternally grateful. I can imagine lypsinching this song with my glitter lipgloss and Diana Ross speciality gown with millions of diamante and sequins dripping from it and singing to an audience in an old style supper club. Smoky and fabulous - a drag queen's dream although if I see some dodgy drag queen miming it in Gran Canaria I'd be a very unhappy bunny.