With all the pullava over Shilpa and Jade in Celebrity Big Brother I felt it important to talk about one of the biggest drama queens ever - Miss Crawford of course!
I've been in a foul mood today and yesterday in work for some reason so took a half day today, had a fabulous lunch with Jon in Zinc bar before heading to the sauna for a while and having my wicked way with a few random men which definitely picked me up. I also spent a small fortune in Clinique today, swindled after a few glasses of wine with all sorts of creams - it better work, my skin is horrendous these days and no amount of effort on cleansing on my part is working that well so hopefully I'll look as fresh as Miss Crawford does in the above picture before too long.
I totally believe in a rigorous skincare regime - I'm still thinking about getting some botox - Jon looks fabulous with it and as time goes on, those creases on my forehead are starting to look like a school jotter and they're not going to get any better with age.
So jumping back to Miss Crawford - who after watching the Hollywood Royalty Edition of Mommie Dearest was clearly as Bette Davis said "as trustworthy as a basket of snakes" Faye Dunaway chews the scenery like she's getting stuck into a fat piece of sirloin steak - every set piece is Faye's Joan slightly demonic. My friend David stayed the other week and found it rather upsetting that Joan skelped poor Tina repeatedly with a wire hanger in a mad rage whilst caked in cold cream. This isn't the first time my friend was disturbed by Joan going crazy in Mommie Dearest - I thought I was maybe a bit odd for finding the whole movie a scream and really Tina wasn't hit hard enough with her wire hanger - the actress playing her deserved to be hit she was that unlikeable - now I'm not condoning child abuse but even I find it acceptable if they have a wire hanger in their closet!! Thankfully, John Water's commentary agreed with my train of thought which comforted me at first but he's been called the King of Bad Taste so where does that place me now?? Right alongside Joan hopefully! I saw a skit on youtube the other week with a drag queen pretending to be Bette Davis and I've probably told this joke before but it's worth repeating..
Q - WHY DOES JOAN CRAWFORD CARRY DOG SHIT IN HER PURSE??
A - I.D.
2 comments:
Yes, yes and yes.
Child abuse is wrong, but Faye should have done a bit more with that ax!
"I'm not mad at you. I am mad at the dirt!"
...no more true words have ever been said in a film!
and, I, too, can handle the socks.
sigh. a classic moment in camp cinema.
...and, I had never heard that joke by the way! Love it!
I'm sure your skin isn't that bad, pet. How old are you? Or is that too personal a question to ask the high camp Ms Morell? Drink lots of water, cut down on the booze and exercise. All those things promote good looking skin. Oh and sex gives one a healthy flush too but by the sounds of it you're already getting lots of that. My, I'm the voice of common sense aren't I?
I love Joan Crawford movies (you always write posts on my fave ladies - first Olivia, now Ms C!) Although I CAN believe she was very close to Ms Dunaway's portrayal in Mommie Dearest i.e. career-obsessed, a control freak, tyrant and monster. I don't how you can say that about poor little Christina!! She didn't deserve it!! And look what happened to her - left high and dry with no money when Mommy died. Joan you bitch!!
However Ms Crawford produced some of the campest, most melodramatic, most entertaining movies ever to come out of Hollywood. Mildred Pierce is one of my fave raves. Unfortunately Joan's career did go down the pan post-Baby Jane and she did some shocking stuff. "Straitjacket" is absolutely dreadful/hilarious (Joan as a suspected axe-murderer). And her very last movie "Trog" saw her acting opposite a human-ape hybrid but still treating him like Clark Gable.
Have you read "Bette and Joan: The Divine Feud"? A totally juicy read and it really lifts the lid on the lives and loves of the two great Hollywood actresses. With plenty of bitchy one-liners (you could nick them for your blog! e.g. Bette Davis talking of Joan: "She slept with every male lead at MGM except Lassie".) You'd love it!
And that is a revolting joke!
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