AVENUES, SHOPS, SUN AND DRAG

I'm full of lazy days just now as I've taken a fortnight off work. I've spent the day and most of last night ripping up the flat and clearing out - tonnes of old CD's to go to teh charity shop, old copies of Attitude magazine from five or six years ago and finally tidied up my rather burgeoning DVD collection. I'm like a fiend when I start and last night it looked like I had had a break in but alas it was just me tearing it up. I've got a few more closets and cupboards to get through but I'll do it!!

I did manage to get off my ass this past weekend and head to London and then Brighton. I had arranged to hook up with a mate Rod in London and Jon has actually moved down there (are any of my friends in Glasgow anymore?!!!!) So Thursday, I got off the underground and with the sun splitting the skies and a spring in my step I ventured into the capital. Rod was working so I decided to occupy myself and take in a show - unfortunately Elaine Paige's new musical "The Drowsy Chaperone" hasn't opened yet so I went off to "Little Shop Of Horrors" which was just fabulous. The production wasn't vast but just right and the cast were superb, from the street urchins to the main characters which included Alistair McGowan as the Dentist, Sheridan Smith as Audrey and Paul Keating putting in a great performance as Seymour. It felt strangely liberating to be at the theatre myself. There was no point in sitting waiting for Rod to finish work and maybe it's a sign of my maturity that I managed to do it and not feel totally self conscious! Thursday night, we headed to a few bars and then a club to disco away. On Friday, I met up with Jon who had settled into his hotel and we trawled round London for hours, my little tootsies were killing me and Jon's pace was a bit more frantic than mine. David was finishing work in Brighton and we had arranged to meet up and so Friday night, Jon and David and myself went to see another show that we've been desperate to see for ages - Avenue Q. It was completely fantastic and exhilirating and I was treated to great voices and great songs for 2 hours - I managed to get fantastic seats, in future, I'm not buying tickets from websites but rather head straight to the theatre. I was in the third row for Little Shop and Row J in the stalls for Avenue Q and there were no hidden charges like admin fees - I definitely recommend it.

Friday night was another night of drinking - I was completely gobsmacked by the price of drinks. Normally when I'm in London I don't bother with things like that and maybe it was partly because we got poor service in a lot of the bars that I begrudged paying it but it really surprised me that a two vodkas were £3.80 on Thursday night and when I went the following afternoon at 4pm it came to £7.20. And don't get me started on surly bar staff. One new bar must have had a pout only policy as the barman never cracked a smile at all and looked thoroughly pissed off - I imagine he may have just been given resident status after jumping off a lorry in a box of tomatoes from Poland as he actually didn't say a single word to me. He then had the cheek to hand me my change on a tray - as if this cunt was getting a tip!!? I actually laughed and said to Jon and David about the service so maybe he heard and decided to go on a go slow.

The following day was my first ever jaunt to Brighton. We headed on the train and were there in an hour which was great timing. David said it would be nice to walk to his flat but I didn't realise it was a 40 minute walk in the sweltering heat with a bit of a heavy bag - I'm gay and I'm going away for 4 days, I packed double the knickers and at least 3 changes of outfits per day! Isn't that the norm. Eventually we made it to his beautiful flat right on the seafront. It looked like Blackpool except all the houses were painted a tasteful colour of cream. I had to get my breath back after the march to the flat and Jon and David and I headed out into the sun to explore. We saw some guys playing volleyball on a makeshift sand beach that's been created so naturally had to go in for a closer inspection of tits and tan. There were so many hot guys, it's just aswell I packed extra underwear as I thought I was going to have an accident prematurely! We headed for a beer on a Saturday afternoon at Amsterdam bar which also has a sauna ( I actually thought Xmas had come early!) and found the whole ambience totally fabulous and not at all like the surly London I had experienced, people said sorry for bumping into you and smiled when serving. We headed round town and I saw all sorts of pointless shops that I have no idea if they could ever make any money - I half expected Miss Marple to pop her head round one of the tea rooms or knick knack shops and ask for a stencilling kit. We went to another bar on the seafront called Legends before heading up the road for some dinner and of course my fix of Joseph and Any Dream Will Do - I'm rooting for Daniel who gave a rather odd rendition of Kelly Clarkson's Since You've Been Gone but he was hot nonetheless. Glammed to the max and still reeling from seeing Sinitta dress up in a kimono and what looked like coloured knitting needles in her hair during Grease we hit Brighton's nightspots with energy and excitement. They were all pretty good and David took us on a bar crawl, to Legends, then Charles St, then R Bar then Vavoom which ps was tacky beyond tacky and then a club called Revenge. There was an afterhours chillout called Bull Dog and I'd been assured that my type of men would be there (slightly older and fit) but I headed up the road a tad tipsy after 3am. Panic started to set in when I got followed but the guy was hot and I thought that if a man was going to attack me he would at least be kind of hot which he was. He didn't attack but we did chat and I almost thought he'd be up for a handy in the doorway of a wool shop but alas, Mother Courage didn't push me in that direction and I headed to bed. David stays on the top floor of the flat and one of the bedrooms has a skylight which Jon and I shared. Imagine my suprise when I rolled over to see Jon sleeping quite serenly with a sock over his eyes. Clearly the skylight was doing his head in and he found the first thing to cover his delicate eyes.

Sunday was another day of catching some sun, chilling out and seeing a fierce drag act called Trashville Tennessee. Highly recommended if a bit crude but that's right up my alleyway. Their spin on classics like Bohemian Rhapsody and Independent Women which isn't a classic but their lyrics were have to be seen to be believed. That's something that Glasgow doesn't have - a good drag queen, I've got the pins and I've certainly got the cheek - maybe I should moonlight with my sequins and diamantes because let's face it, I'm no stranger to both!

I don't know if the weather knew I was leaving but Monday was very grey as I headed to the train station to get back to London. I was in plenty of time for my flight that as the underground trundled past Kensington I had a flash of spontanaiety and went to the V & A to see the Kylie exhibition. It was fabulous to say the least and certainly perked up my day as my mini jaunt finished. On returning it was drinks with Cameron and catch up on all the goss - it's only Cameron, Stewart and myself now in Glasgow so the sisters are dwindling until the weekend when Jon comes back up for his birthday. Since coming back it's been TV vegging out and occasionally nipping to the shop for milk and sweets to watch even more trashy tv. More on that next....