MELROSE SPACE'S BIG BANG THEORY

Did as I said I would and sat on my sweet ass yesterday. Julia called to announce she was coming round for dinner, I panicked cos all I had were carbs but luckily Atkins has found her and she tucked into Chicken Kiev and pasta! Found some divine hotels in NYC for March and waxed lyrical about her relationship with Steven - she's happy with him but can't imagine marrying him. I adore my friend's problems and dramas - if only to divert from my own and make me feel superior that I don't have these hassles of a relationship. So after solving her rights we bitched about her sister Deborah who thinks life is one big competition. Debs vs The World. We all bought flats at the same time and I can't help it that I became overwhelmed by own good taste when furnishing. Deborah's house however was a big gay explosion when she moved in with golden cherubs above the doors, thick fabric wallpaper and more mosaic tiling than in Ancient Rome. Tack-a-rama. Debs is a bit of a funny one at times which is why I love her but is also as nutty as a fruitcake and not in a good way.

After Julia left, Cameron sent me a message. Apparently the guy he met last week in Manchester has an 8 year old daughter. Cameron is imagining picket fences and a semi detached house in Stafford (where the guy stays) I was more imagining Cameron going down on the guy like a preacher's daughter when the guy's ex brings the daughter round for visiting! It warms my heart that my friend is so optimistic when it comes to affairs of the heart. I'm more Amanda Woodward cold hearted and speaking of which....

Went back on ebay and got a total buzz when I bid for every episode of Melrose Place on DVD. I think this must be how gamblers are when their horse wins or when a woman has a multiple orgasm but for a few seconds my heart skipped as I paid for my winning bid. Trash TV holds no limits with Melrose Place - I was yearning for Amanda's micro skirts but got home and had an email to say that the transaction was cancelled because of the product being violated! Lord only knows what the seller was doing to the DVDs, so it looks like I'll need to wait for the next DVD set to pop up on ebay - it's now my aim to get Melrose Place on DVD come hell or high water.

Julia, on her visit, finally brought round my house warming gift. This kind of made up for the shitty blender she got me for my birthday. What the hell do I need a blender for? She said at the time it was a toss up between a blender or Kill Bill on DVD. I could have smacked her in the face with the blender! However Miss Julia redeemed herself by handing me a finger massager, it has four large "fingers" that go at various speeds and also generates heat. Believe me, it gives amazing massage and it crossed my mind that it could massage someplace else. However it is rather large and although I'd have fun, even I couldn't cope with that beast up my ass - despite creepy Michael with the cross eyes and twitch claiming that he would be able to get his two hands up me and still have room to clap.