Stewart also known as Tina Gobbelina phoned yesterday from Oz - he's pining and I'd never have known except for the fact that he called Jon's mobile 20 times when we were out on Friday night. I had a load of missed calls from him last week in Manchester but needed to get some shut eye so blanked the bitch! So he finally caught me and proceeded to harp on about how tough life is in Brisbane - he can't get a job because he's backpacking round the country - I was unsure about how many times I should pepper the monologue with "you'll be fine" but think I did ok and anyway it's his problem - he had no reason to leave and travel for a year and a half. I get the impression he thinks that our lives have stayed the same since he went and yes, I was upset but have dealt with it - maybe he should, the twat.
So managed to get off the phone from Stewart by saying I was going in for a shower although when I answered I said I had run out of the shower to answer him! The situation was quickly rescued when I asked how his sex life was going and he mentioned something about having a Jamaican Fuck Buddy which sent him off on a tangent.
Have been checking out costs for NYC next year which inspired me to watch some Central Park West. The quintessential 90s prime time soapie from Darren Star. He did this after leaving Melrose Place and before Sex and The City. This was a real gem and had Lauren Hutton, Madchen Amick, John Barrowman and Kylie Travis. Not to mention Raquel Welch who appeared in the 2nd season as Dianna Brock. But anyway I loved this show when it was on and taped a few episodes for prosperity and I wasn't disappointed. Rachel Dennis played by Kylie Travis from the also ill fated Models Inc is planning to take over Communique magazine from Stephanie (Mariel Hemingway) and pretending to be her friend, the bold Rachel ships Stephanie off to a health farm and leaks stories to the gossip column that she has had a nervous breakdown. Well done Rachel because she takes over the magazine in Steph's absence and turns it from NY Style type mag to Fashion Forever! However my favourite scene was when Stephanie, who really does deserve all she gets for being so dull, discovers that her husband has been having a fling with the uber bitch Carrie (Madchen Amick).
You see the ever resourceful Carrie had taped hubby calling her home and telling her that he wanted to make love to her etc, Carrie however was bored of the affair and told him :-
CARRIE - Go home darling, your dinner's getting cold.
He saw sense and went home to eat the cold dinner. Carrie meanwhile phoned Communique and singlehandedly left the hubbys message on every staffers voicemail to hear. If you thought it couldn't get any trashier then you were wrong. Rachel delights in hearing the message and is first to tell Stephanie to listen to her voicemail. Stephanie finally grows a spine and confronts Carrie in her office. Carrie however delights in telling her that she's done nothing wrong :-
CARRIE - I detect some misplaced aggresion, shouldn't you be hurling your cheap rage at the man who cheated on you?
STEPH - No, I reserve my cheap rage for cheap whores like you!
Stephanie then leaves Carrie's office, Rachel pops her head in the door
RACHEL - Sleeping with the husband was cliched but to record his sweet nothings and then broadcast them over the voicemail! Now that, that was a stroke of genius.
CARRIE - You expected anything less?!
With Stephanie sequestered at a retreat, Rachel informs the staff that she will overhaul the magazine a staffer says
STAFF - Stephanie is not going to like this.
RACHEL - Stephanie is mentally ill, that's the only reason for a cover like that. Now I have a very special Spring Fashion issue planned but we're going to have to move fast if we're going to realise my vision
CARRIE - Rachel honey, this isn't British Vogue
RACHEL - Well it is if I say so. Let's get one thing straight people. I'm in charge now. Life as you know it has just chnaged dramatically.
Carrie gives her best evil glare and walks out, leaving Rachel at the top of the table in her divine Aurey Hepburn knock off and pearl twin set.
And that is why Central Park West was one of the top shows - ever! I like to think of myself as a love child of Alexis Carrington/Rachel Dennis/Amanda Woodward in life but have got a lot to live up to except when I'm having my diva bitch moments when it flows naturally. And for that here's a pic of the evil Rachel Dennis telling Stephanie who's really boss - the big bad bitch!
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