CHUBS

My mother thinks I'm fat. We were sitting in the car tonight and she said "Look at your chubby face!" The hag. I've been on a strictish diet of Asda Good For You meals so I'm going to need to cut down on the chocolate, that's why I'm finishing off a box of mini creme eggs that Jon left at the weekend.

I'm not as thin as I used to be I admit but I'm also not Two Tonne Tessie - I kinda wish my gym was back open now to tone up - especially for my American jaunt in 6 weeks but I guess I'll have to do with constant dancing and eating the Asda Good For You meals.

Went to see Meet the Fockers last night and we quizzed Peter about his Fauxmosexual friend from a previous post. He's soooo gay it's untrue and I'd love to slip the hand. we were out on Friday night and he was looking so fine, you could bounce a quarter off his tits. I felt somewhat randy (that's the only word to describe it) and gave Rob of the Wandering Palm Problem a bit of a handy in the toilets. He's hung and it felt better than the gay virgin who failed miserably to bang me rotten last week.

I sometimes think maybe I'm too forward in a sleazy way with guys but I think it's my way of dealing with any possible rejection. That way my ego's not bruised too badly and if anything's said I can just be whorish about it. Rejection is still my biggest fear - other than snakes or people in horizontal stripes. Now leading up to Valentines Day gets me thinking aswell - being a single gal, will I ever find someone to be a soulmate of any kind? Or am I destined for a life of cheap gropes and a drunken screw? Now I'm coming to the realisation that I'm not to everyone's taste both physically and emotionally. Everyone has a 'level' of sort. You know when you see guys and think 'Oh God, they'd never be interested in me - they're so good looking' I feel that sometimes cos although I don't think of myself as a total mutt, there are definitely other guys who are more attractive. I'd like to see some of the guys on my 'level' cos I don't think I've found one to take my interest yet. My friends are all gorgeous people, inside and out and I feel a lot that I'm the one with the vile attitude (sometimes) and the big nose. I totally play up the vileness and bitchy comments - they come too easily.

In saying that, I guess I could say that my friends are my soulmates. There are parts of each of them I admire and love. David's love and care for people never ceases to amaze me - especially when he sees the good in everyone. Jon's generous spirit and his laugh crack me up aswell as his enthusiasm for all things campy like Kylie !! Stewart's nomadic existence, he said he's thinking of going travelling again and the way he always manages to care and have private moments with all of us. Cameron's a genuine guy, he, like David gives so much to his friendships and what you see is what you get, he wears his heart in his sleeve and that sleeve is Gucci. Julia although we're not as close is still someone that I can spend time doing nothing with and not feel awkward. In fact, I could do that with all my friends and although I can be testing at times - I like to think I bring some sort of dynamic to my group of friends. We are all similar yet so different. Wandering Palms Rob said on Saturday between gropes that we were all 'calculating' I prefer the words 'Fabulous' and 'Dynamic' and ps - never boring!

So maybe hunting hunting for a soulmate isn't the be all and end all - My friends are all my soulmates and guys can just be people I have a fun time with.