BIG GAY MAY DAY

Jon's birthday shindig was last night and as per usual we all headed to Polo for drinks etc. It's been bank holiday weekend and I had a quick night out on Friday and was more than rough on Saturday after getting home from a stint at work and then the theatre. Cameron and Jon came round and we met up with David and Julia and her sister Laura who had all been out traipsing the drunken streets of Glasgow since 3pm. They were surprisingly fresh, Stewart also arrived after getting a new haircut(is he trying to steal my thunder in the hair styling dept?!) Polo was heaving with so many lesbians I thought I was at a Melissa Etheridge concert. I saw a guy I like the look of so took the direct approach and rather than talk to him I just kissed him, I have no clue who this is but he was a good smoocher and he responded to well to my forwardness (I was thinking of a more 'New York' mentality, and let's face it, I'm not getting any younger!) I was quite happy kissing him when his companion separated us and asked rather rudely "Are you enjoying yourself?!" Well I was but had no intention of getting into a domestic. It was only later when I saw them holding hands I think they may have been lovers. Oh well, I think I make not only a good home maker but also a good homewrecker!

Maybe it's just me, but in most clubs or bars that people go to regularly they have their own 'patch' - like hookers. It's the same in my dance classes, the couples always stand in the same place in the studios. Even when it's quiet. So back to the 'patch', in the Polo we always stand in the far corner, beside the dj and the air con vent. Naturally it's not fun when some hag tries to takeover your patch. Last night some hag tried just that. He seemed a bit extravagent in his arms, think Austin Powers arms and a bad wardrobe, he was attempting the whole Dukes of Hazzard ensemble and almost pulled it off except his belt and shoes didn't match. He was a tad drunk and kept bumping into us all and eventually was doing it on purpose. Now Cam used to be the assistant manager in there and is now a pub manager for the company, thankfully the guy in Cam's old job. Chris spotted what was about to kick off and moved swiftly. Jon and Cameron are never ones to shy away if someone's starting on them, I'll hold the jackets and pose a bit but they'll go gung ho into it with the same fervour as Linda Evans in a Dynasty catfight. It took all of two minutes for a bouncer to be called, the cock was removed and our patch was once again ours!

I ended up at the Italian Centre having a bite to eat with the girls. Penfold got stroppy because I never ordered him chips cheese and coleslaw (I know - it sounds fucking vile) So we had a bit of a barney and trading insults before I marched up the road with Laura, Stewart, Scott and two chicks that Scott's boyfriend knows. Not long after getting in, Jon phoned to say he was in a taxi with Peter - his kind of one night stand that 3/4 years later hasn't gone away. I like Peter Peter Compulsive Eater and other than Rod, is my favourite of all the scamps that Jon's seduced. So Peter and Jon came back and this morning I woke up to be told that Peter broke the end of my bed. There's a long silver panel at the foot of the bed fram to match the top and it had completely snapped off. Now I'm assured that it wasn't due to hanky panky although I had to then wonder whether or not to wash the sheets they slept in or burn them. Turns out (supposedly) that Peter just sat on the edge and off it snapped. Peter is by no means heavy although it did give me an excuse to make some fat jokes at his expense and make light of the situation. On top of this, the long light in my kitchen is flickering it's like a bad episode of Changing Rooms. I half expect Smiley Smiley Carol Smillie to pop in and offer some MDF and transfers on the wall to jazz up the house!

All in all, a fun night. Not long til London. I'm only working 2 days this week then it's off to the Big Smoke for the last part of our Kylie Minogue Adventure. Her Showgirl tour is nothing short of fabulous and she's a fab performer. VH1 today is having a BIG GAY MAY DAY and they were counting down the Top 100 Gay Anthems. Kylie was horror of horrors only placed at Number 2 with 'Better The Devil You Know' and that wilful slut Christina Aguilera was at Number 1 with 'Beautiful' The only reason that tramp was at Number 1 is cos her video showed two rather shabby and riddled looking gayers kissing and an ancient drag queen plastering on the makeup - VH1 - Shame on you, Shame On You!