MY NAME IS TALLULAH

There's none more camp than the one who said she invented it. Her name is Tallulah and her first rule of thumb is excess in every manner. Tallulah Bankhead was a true Southern belle and she had the plantations to prove it. She lived a wild life and died in the 60s after appearing in Batman and a few movies, renouned mostly for her stage career and radio show in the 50s, Tallulah's real life was far more evenful and interesting than any part she played. Addicted to shocking society, drink and drugs she held the wildest parties that a lot of the time ended with her naked doing cartwheels and embarrasing her well to do guests.

- Tallulah was known for having a strange penchant for pets. She had a pet lion called Winston Churchill and and monkey called King Kong, the lion as it happens outstayed it's welcome rather quickly.

- Her last words on her death bed were apparently 'Codeine, Bourbon'

- On her passport under DISTINGUISHING FEATURES - it had the word 'snakebite' as Tallulah was once bitten on the backside by a snake and was left with 2 tiny fang marks

- She went to the toilet and discovered she had run out of toilet roll and asked the person in the next cubicle "Excuse me dahling, but do you have any Kleenex?" And this quite chilly voice replied "No, I don't" So Tallulah thought quickly and then asked, "Well then dahling, do you happent to have two fives for a ten?"

- Talluah went swimming at a party and announced "I never wear a suit" and stood on the diving board in nothing but her pearls, her chauffeur later had to fish them out of the water, when asked later why she did it, she said "I just wanted to prove I was a natural ash blonde"

- Tallulah told a friend that her doctor had advised her to eat an apple every time she had the urge to drink. She arched an eyebrow and added, "But really, dahlings, sixty apples a day!"

- Tallulah in one of her whirlwind monologues "Well, darling, I live a very quiet life in the country and I can't say it's any different from any other country place, except that people do come and go and never get up early so that part of the day, darling, isn't difficult. What are you drinking, bourbon? Dinner is different, naturally we do sit down unless of course the Giants are playing and no one can move if there's a game on but it never last forever and we're never more than six for dinner because you see my table is oval and won't seat any more unless of course we have a buffet which is generally on Sunday and then any number of people can eat which, of course, they never do if it's hot because the pool is cooler d'you know, darling, and if supper is cold it doesn't matter anyway and I have a bird that says who are you and laughs just like me and Gaylord my parakeet who drinks champagne, don't you, darling, and I like a hot bath in the morning around three in the afternoon and breakfast on a tray, does your wife know how to make vichyssoise?"


***** TALLULAH ON TALLULAH *****

"Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it."

"Cocaine isn't habit-forming, I should know, I've been using it for years."

"My father warned me about men and booze, but he never mentioned a word about women and cocaine."

"I'm as pure as the driven slush."

"If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes again - only sooner."

Why she called everyone 'dahling' - "Because all my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive."

"It's the good girls who keep the diaries, the bad girls don't have the time."

"Never practise two vices at once."

To a young actress "Oh my Gawd! cranberry juice?! When I was 16 dahling, I had a shoebox of cocaine."

"What's the matter dahling? Don't you recognise me with my clothes on?!"

Earl Wilson : "Have you ever been mistaken for a man on the telephone?"
Tallulah : "No, have you?"

"I have the simplest tastes - I'm satisfied only by the best."

"I'm not childless dahling, I'm child-free!"

"I'm worse than broke dahling, I'm shattered!"

On seeing her lover who left her years earlier :-
"I thought I told you to wait in the car"

"Dahling, I have enemies I've never even met. That's fame!"


***** OTHERS ON TALLULAH *****

"The most immoral woman who ever lived." - Marlene Dietrich

"Estelle Winwood is not Tallulah's best friend, I am! And I've got the scars to prove it." - Patsy Kelly

"Tallulah had more girlfriends than Errol Flynn" - Patsy Kelly

"Tallulah never beat around the bush - she'd gossip about you in front of your back." - Patsy Kelly

"One day she wandered into my dressing room, completely nude. I couldn't help staring and she said 'What's the matter dahling? Haven't you ever seen a blonde before?!" - Donald Sutherland


***** TALLULAH ON OTHERS *****

"Dahling, any husband of yours is a husband of mine." - Ginger Rodgers

"Dahling, you're divine! I've had an affair with your husband. You'll be next" - Joan Crawford

"I adored women - all the vamps. Not the Pickford's. Oh Nazimova, I adored." - Alla Nazimova

"The biggest phony in Hollywood dahling! A lying lesbo, a Polish publicity hound. Had a mustache and couldn't act her way out of a paper bag!" - Pola Negri

"How the hell should I know dahling? He never sucked my cock!" - When asked if Tab Hunter was gay.

"Dietrich? She's okay if you like cheekbones dahling." - Marlene Dietrich

"The main reason I accepted to be in the Devil and the Deep was to fuck that divine Gary Cooper" - Gary Cooper