WANNABE IN THE LOVE SHACK

I'm addicted. Addicted I tell you, and all it took was 12 wannabe celebs shacked up on a Fiji island supposedly searching for lurrrve. These Z listers are just too addictive and I can't help but watch. The women are

Tabloid tramp Abi Titmuss - for the uninitiated, Abi stood by her man John Leslie during a rape trial and then stories were sold about threesomes and a shit load of cock and cocaine. Now she's never out of the Daily Star and The Sun newspapers - she's surprisingly heavy on the show so the newspapers airbrushing must definitely be working overtime

PA Rebecca Loos - Found fame by admitting an affair with God Himself David Beckham. She was the family PA at the time. Last seen wanking off a pig in another reality show The Farm

Liz McLarnon - Scouse singer from girl band Atomic Kitten. A sweet kinda chick who's probably going to release a single following her departure from Love Island

Jayne Middlemiss - Smartish TV presenter who's been around for ages presenting shows - kind of long in the tooth but still a bit of a go-er

Judi Shekoni - Tranny tastic actress who's not been seen since a bit part in Eastenders like 100 years ago, probably hoping to get 1 more acting part which would be her 2nd.

Lady Isabella Hervey - She's no lady and likes to think of herself as an IT Girl. Maybe she's got IT - IT being the clap.

The men all have nice bodies and I'd love to see them all naked which can't be bad.... They are........

Fran Cosgrave - Nightclub owner who's fucked half of London apparently. He's gone with glamour models and popstars which is surprising cos he's not that braw to look at.

Calum Best - Model son of football star George Best, he's got an awful American/British accent that is just wrong and possibly a squint in his eyes.

Lee Sharpe - Ex Footballer who was talented in his day - he'd still get it!

Michael Greco - Ex Eastender who like Judi Shekoni will be looking for another part in a soap. Something attractive about him, it must be the hairy chest

Duane LaDejo - Sexy bitch of an athlete, injury hampered his career but the Olympics loss is my gain as his muscles look good enough to spend days and days bouncing on.

Paul Danan - Ex actor from teen soap Hollyoaks, he's a cockney boy with a lot of spunk I bet!