AUNT CHARLOTTE

I've had a relatively quiet time in the past few days, just working and dancing and counting down the days til I stop a few of my classes for summer and just chill out. I was supposed to go out last night for a cheeky wee school night out but couldn't be arsed at the end up and had a shower to watch some more of 'Now, Voyager' but more of that movie later!

The nights are so hot although pulling off the sheets during the night because it's humid outside doesn't actually mean I've had much action between those sheets recently. It's entirely possible that my hymen is growing back at an alarming rate, I wish I could do a Grace Kelly and claim that I was a virgin and that I fell on my bike when younger which caused my hymen to be broken but alas, no-one would believe anything like that happening to me, they'd think I swallowed the bike. The problem is that I'm just feeling a bit self pitiful just now - this happens occasionally to most people, I just get the sneaky suspicion that I won't be feel some sort of fulfilment unless I meet a guy in a worthwhile relationship (I'm talking more than a 4 week love in folks) I know I'm actually quite a disagreeable person and no doubt an absolute cunt to be around but when I see some people together in the street, in nightclubs, restaurants or local sauna, I do look on with envy - how can they make it work? what do they say to each other? why can't I find someone like that? what have they got that I can't seem to find? It's alsways the same, especially when we go out, there's always an absolute hunk of spunk getting hot and heavy with an absolute hound dog and all this before beer goggles have set in. I must be destined for a life like poor spinster Aunt Charlotte in 'Now Voyager' - mind you, she reinvented from a heavy loner with caterpillar eyebrows that would make Joan Crawford proud to a beautiful sophisticate who naturally got her man who loved her unrequitedly.

I'm not in tears or anything but just ponder when I get home at night and pick up my mail, it would be nice to find someone (not a burglar or criminal) in my house cooking dinner or just have someone interested in what I did for the day that I can tell whilst cuddling up to on the couch and happily eat Maltesers and watch Bette Davis movies. My friends are amazing and I love them all dearly despite their faults and our squabbles at times but there's not been anyone in my life for nigh on 7 years that I've felt emotionally attached to in a romantic way. I am soooooo Aunt Charlotte.

Anyway, we've got a BBQ after work tomorrow and I'm heading out with the girls later, I think I've been taking work too seriously recently and need to chill out, deadlines and extra responsibilty are all well and good but I've become a career minded monster and am constantly planning on what I can do next and how to move onward and upward, it's hard work plotting full time which may be why I like a good drink at the weekend. I feel like Melanie Griffith in 'Working Girl' - I've got a mind for business and a body for sin. I'll update on the BBQ but I doubt there will be any Southfork Ranch showdowns, but they have hired a karaoke machine and apparently we're playing bingo aswell so we may see a few arguments between the microphones and bingo balls.