CUT TO KAREN

Karen Walker, also goes by the name of Anastacia Beaverhausen. This Park Avenue Alkie has the best lines in Will and Grace, the best clothes and she's got a killer rack! She's snide, bitchy and has many qualities that most women and gay men would love to possess. Megan Mullally is superb in the role and cracks me up every episode. By the way, check out Megan's 'Fancy' it's a good 'un!



***** KAREN QUOTES *****

HARLIN: I'm Harlin Polk. I'm supposed to meet Grace.
KAREN: I'm Karen Walker. I'm supposed to be Grace's assistant

KAREN: Grace, desperate times call for desperate measures. It's time to get your head out of the dumps and your legs in the air.

KAREN: I don't produce theatre, I am theatre!

GRACE: Karen, maybe you should talk to your shrink about this.
KAREN: My shrink? Honey, I only go to him for refills.

ROSARIO: This is so stupid. I look like a piñata.
KAREN: Yeah, and if I beat you with a stick, I could watch all my money fall out.

ROSARIO: Listen, lady, in my country, I was a school teacher.
KAREN: Yeah? Well, in this country, you wash my bras.

KAREN: It's the oldest story in the world. Boy meets girl, boy wants girl to do dominatrix film, girl says, "naked?" Boy says, "yeah." Girl says, "forget it." Boy says, "ok, then just wear this rubber dress and beat the old guy with a scrub brush." Girl says, "how hard?"

GRACE: Jack's mother is going to be joining us, and she doesn't know Jack's gay.
KAREN: How could she not know? What is she, headless?

KAREN: Oh, yeah... I remember you. Stan and I met you at the Whitney opening. You were the bartender. Yeah.
BEN: No, you just gave me your drink order.
KAREN: Yeah... And I'm still waiting for it.

WILL: So, can your lawyer take you to lunch?
KAREN: Oh, uh... Honey... I don't eat with the help, ok?

KAREN: Uh, so, listen, Rosario, I've been thinking, you know, maybe we should do more stuff together.
ROSARIO: I don't drink.

KAREN: Lord, you are just as simple as that blouse you're wearing.

KAREN: Give it to me straight, Doc. Am I looking at a future filled with loneliness and memories of better days? Or is Stan gonna die?

KAREN: Listen, honey, I know you're feeling a little down about what happened, but... Hey, look on the bright side.
GRACE: What bright side?
KAREN: What-- It's just an expression, honey!

JACK: What is she doing here? It's 9:45. Shouldn't she be at lunch?
KAREN: What is she doing here? Shouldn't she be at the Westside Y bobbing for boyfriends?

GRACE: Karen, I have never been more terrified in my entire life.
KAREN: Oh, honey. Stan bought me a 7-karat ruby on our trip to Paris last year.
GRACE: What does that have to do with the break-in?
KAREN: Nothing, honey. I thought we were just swapping stories. Jeez Louise! Didn't realize it was "All about Grace" day.

KAREN: Are you hitting on me?
GRACE: Wh-- What? No! Where do you g--
KAREN: You are! Oh, my god. You're a big lez.
GRACE: Karen--
KAREN: You know, people have always said you were, but I said, "No. That's just the way she walks."
GRACE: I have a sturdy gait.
KAREN: Honey, come on. Finally, an explanation for the chunky shoes and all the keys.

GRACE: You said that money was no object.
KAREN: Honey, that's just a saying, like, "Ooh, that sounds like fun," or, "I love you."

KAREN: I think you're missing the silver lining here. When you're old and in diapers, a gay son will know how to keep you away from chiffon and backlighting.

CHERYL: Mrs. Walker? Cheryl Bricker-Fossberg, Taylor and Hayden's mom.
KAREN: I have no idea what you just said.

[Karen has just messed up Beverly's pool shot]
BEVERLY LESLIE: I would have made that shot.
KAREN: Aww, tell it to the Marines, if you already haven't.

KAREN: I've got something tough to tell you. Uh, I'm fabulous, okay? I'm an incredible dresser, I've got buckets of money, I'm a hoot and a half, and I've got a killer rack.

KAREN: [storming angrily out of the Principal's Office] You dragged me down to this God-forsaken place to tell me my kids made the Honor Roll? Honey, my time is precious, call me when one of them gives birth at the prom!

KAREN: Oh kids ruin everything. I mean look at the stitching on this. You cannot trust a ten year old to do a good hidden button.

MAN: Miss Walker, I came as soon as you called.
KAREN: Well that's really none of my business, but thanks for sharing

KAREN: Well don't let it get to your head, your hair is already such a disaster that the Red Cross wouldn't give it coffee.

KAREN: Husbands come and go but the Chanel slingbacks are for life.

KAREN: Looks like your new sweetie's turned his back on homosexuals. And not in a good way.

KAREN: It's a cult, like the Moonies, or the homeless.

KAREN: They're trying to turn gay people straight. Do they have any idea what this will do to the fall line?

BEN: Let's talk wine. Karen, you have any preference?
KAREN: Honey, I'd suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick, so you're asking the wrong gal.

KAREN: OK, rule number one. Unless you're served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of my lips.

DR: Mrs. Walker, the test results came back, and it seems your husband didn't have a heart attack at all...
KAREN: Oh, thank God.
DR: But rather, acute angina.
KAREN: Heh. You've got a lot of nerve, coming on to me while my husband is dying.

KAREN: I'm thinking of getting some work done myself.
JACK: Fantastic! what?
KAREN: My shoulders. Oh, honey, they're so 1990, and 2001 is all about the eighties, which is really just the forties with coke.

KAREN: You know, there's a question that I've been meaning to ask you that only you can answer. Is 60 sexy?

KAREN: Why, Grace Alden, I can't believe what I'm hearing.
GRACE: Adler. My last name is Adler.
KAREN: Oh, that's pretty.

WILL: Karen, I can't take this, knowing that somewhere a traffic cop is gonna go unbribed. Look... I'm a lawyer, which means that unlike you, I have passed a bar. My job, essentially, is--
KAREN: Honey. Honey, I often ask a lot of people on my staff to do different things. Cook sometimes cleans. Cleaner sometimes cooks. Driver sometimes provides an alibi. We all pitch in!

KAREN: Hurry up! I'm in a bad neighborhood, and I just used the last of my pepper spray on a pushy Jehovah's witness!

ROSARIO: You told me we were going to Tony Roma's and then to a late movie.
KAREN: Oh, we're going to a movie. Yeah, it's a dirty flick. It's called Rosie Does Dishes. Now get those paws into a couple of oven mitts.

WILL: Ok. Karen, one hour. I don't mean to rush you, but if we're gonna get back in time for dinner, we've all got to stick to the plan.
KAREN: You gays and your discipline. No wonder you all end up in the clergy

KAREN: Oh, honey. You have a dream. You know, I have a dream, too... To be rich and beautiful and have a great body. Oh, look. My dream came true.

WILL: I hope the bed is soft. I cannot sleep on a hard mattress. Last time I slept on a hard mattress, I had this dream that I couldn't sleep because the mattress was too hard.
KAREN: Wow. You should write that one down and tell it at parties. That's a keeper.

JACK: That is so freaky, Karen. How did you do that?
KAREN: Oh, sorry, honey. A magician-- like a prostitute-- never reveals her tricks.

KAREN: Anastasia Beaverhousen. Anastasia, like Russian royalty. Beaverhousen, like... where the beaver live.

GRACE: Karen, we're not a couple.
KAREN: Aren't we?
GRACE: No.
KAREN: Well, all I know is when I woke up this morning, there was red hair on my pillow and lesbian porn in the VCR.

KAREN: Well, I feel a little bit uncomfortable. All of these gay eyes on me. Judging me. Undressing me. Then dressing me up again in a different outfit.

BEVERLEY: If it isn't my dear friend, Karen Walker. So nice to see you.
KAREN: Why, Beverley Leslie, if you'd sit on a phone book, it'd be nice to see you too.

LIZ: You are going to get me into so much trouble.
KAREN: If you're lucky.
LIZ: You're crazy.
KAREN: Like a fox.
LIZ: I doubt it.
KAREN: You wish.
LIZ: Don't I ever.
KAREN: You and what army? Ha ha ha ha!

LIZ: That's Tony. When I first start coming here, I thought he was gross. Cut to me flat on my back on his futon.
KAREN: God, this is great. Casual sex, mookie bartenders, dirty futons... This is the stuff of life. I'm gonna get an S.T.D. tonight!

LIZ: You scared him off with your big boobies and your weird bisexual vibe. He was into me!
KAREN: No one's into you. You're an oddly confidant 40-year-old secretary.

BEVERLEY: I'll have you know, people at the club actually talk about my serve!
KAREN: They also talk about your he/she quality, but that's not gonna win us the points.

BEVERLEY: Well, well, well. Even at her own wedding, still sad and alone.
KAREN: Ah, Beverley Leslie. What a treat. I'm so glad I put you in the overhead compartment now.
BEVERLEY: I am so sorry I missed the ceremony. But tell me this, darling, do they still say "'til death do us part" when the bride is a vampire?
KAREN: Darling, it's all right that you missed it. Probably just as well. There was some children there, and they get frightened when something your size isn't covered in Muppet fur.