SAND DUNES, TOOTHACHE AND A WINE BOTTLE

I have toothache and it hurts like hell. I'm so not fun and interesting, I'm grimacing constantly and can't wait to get to the dentist on Monday morning to see what he can do and work his magic on my gums and stop them from swelling over my back tooth which is what's happened!

I watched the finale of Big Brother last night and was dismayed to see that dull Geordie boy Anthony won. The nuttiest and most watchable character, Makosi was booed and insults thrown at her throughout her eviction interview. She deserved to win with her clearly disturbed personality and manipulating ways that would have made Lady Macbeth proud - as usual the UK goes for the safe bet and the pretty boy won whilst the person who actually played the game was the villain of the piece for the baying crowd outside.

Makosi showed no regret for her actions in the house (being two faced, claiming to be pregnant after a romp in the jacuzzi with said Anthony, going on various secret missions and being a tad manipulative and self obsessed) and I applaud her for that - after all, it's only a game show and she's made the show spark this year. That and the fact that another housemate, Kinga took a wine bottle into the garden and started fudding herself with it - she did regret that but I'm sure she's had worse than an empty bottle of Jacob's Creek up her frufru.

It's about ten weeks until I go to Gran Canaria - so you will be bored with my countdown - Jon and David will be booking in September and I can't wait - although I'll have to, they went last year when I went to Blackpool (no difference) for a rather crazy weekend with Cam and Stewart. Gran Canaria is the most sexual place I've ever been - it's as if there's spunk in the air and there probably is with the amount of nasty sex that goes on. Like everyone on holiday, the chances are you'll never see these people again and so everyone's less inhibited in their sexual endeavours - The epicentere of this cum-fest is the Yumbo Centre, now when I went 4 years ago with Jon and Scott, we arrived at about 2am and were dismayed to see the streets deserted but it's a real concrete jungle and everything is based on 3 or 4 levels, level 4 being the same as ground level. There are leather bars, drag bars, Irish bars, darkrooms, British pubs, nightclubs and more harnesses and vodka redbulls than you can shake a stick at! Something for everyone with all tastes catered for. I went into a nightclub and was bursting for a piss and Jon directed me to a door which I went for and couldn't find the light so came out almost an hour later utterly exhausted and emptied! There's also the infamous Sand Dunes at Maspalomas, now we went walking along the beach and were knackered just walking in the heat - imagine fucking in sand dunes with random punters in 100 degree heat - without even a drink of water and only the seed of life to quench your thirst, sounds quite fun actually! So basically the usual drill of holidaymakers in Gran Canaria would be go out and get pissed or pissed on, pull a few randoms in the pubs etc and then sleep it off all day in the sun by the pool before starting it all over again!