EAVESDROPPING GALORE

There's a website I recently discovered which is one of the funniest ever. I love my quotable quotes and this site is full of contributions from people in the best city in the world. New York is home to some of the wildest and wackiest people imaginable, they are also some of the loudest so listening to someone's conversation isn't too tricky. The same could be said about Glasgow - I heard my neighbour sneeze yesterday afternoon, I dread to think what expletives or sounds he's heard from my flat - except that I was hopefully enjoying myself too much to care....

So the website is called 'Overheard in New York' and is nigh on the funniest ever. I've only managed to read a few months worth of quotes so I've posted my favouriteS. Check it out cos it's divine. Now in no particular order......

Guy: What kind of dog is that over there?
Girl: I think it's a pug, but it's really fat.
Guy: It looks like a pig with Down's syndrome.

Guy 1 : Man, it's cold in here.
Guy 2 : That's cause your momma's pussy is so loose

Counter Girl : Yo Charlie, if you touch me again I'm gonna stab you in the head

Dude : You know the earth is so tiny, we're not even a cunt hair on the vagina of the universe.

Woman : So I asked him, "How come I make 3 million dollars a year and you still don't want me?" And he said, "Because you are a fat fucking cow!"

Guy on cell : You had sex with my sister??! Well was she any good?... Where the hell did she learn that nifty trick?

Lady : I don't like to parallel park. It messes up my hair.

Husband : Sex with you is great, but it's no substitute for pepperoni.

Guy on cell : True Spanish girls wear heels in a blizzard.

Fat Black Woman : Hey watch where you're going! Say "Excuse me" instead of bumping into me like that! Don't you know how to speak English?
Japanese Girl : You need a diet.

Waiter : Oh how do you know him?
Gay guy : I was dating him a while back
Waiter : Do his wife and kids know that?

Gay guy : My sister is so concerned with her son playing with dolls because it will turn him gay. I'm like "It's not because I was playing with dolls that I was gay, it was that I looked at a guy and got a hardon!"

Teen girl on cell : Yo! Where you the fuck be at?! You come pick us up this fucking second; it's so fucking cold here, my twat's got ice on it.

Woman : They're staying with us for two days. And my cousin Paula is coming, the one with the piefaced child.

Girl : Oi Jackie! Get behind me and check if my vagina is showing!

Gay Guy 1 : He told me he had an 8 inch penis
Gay Guy 2 : Oh really?
Gay Guy 1 : It was only 8 inches if he put it in twice.

Woman 1 : Oh look over there... that is just tragic
Woman 2 : What?
Woman 1 : Ugly twins

Chick 1 : Yeah, I'm really getting sick of our teacher. I mean, and maybe I shouldn't say this , but I don't care that she was raped by her father as a child.
Chick 2 : I know, that's really none of our business. I don't need to know that.

Man 1 : I dated my girlfriend for 3 years and never hit her once
Man 2 : Really? Never?
Man 1 : Well once with the car

Chick : He was not really completely gay
Guy : What was he then?
Chick : He was more just completely fabulous.

Yuppie guy 1 : So my boss accused me today of being on drugs
Yuppie guy 2 : Really... But you've been clean for months
Yuppie guy 1 : I know! But still my boss told me I type like a Thalidomide child

Lady : Sure, but what if you get cancer in your hair? Or in your eyeball?

Pretty boy : Man, I think I'm getting a migraine
Southern chick : Guys don't get migraines, they get cluster headaches
Pretty boy : Go the fuck back to the prairie, Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman

Guy 1 : Dude, that chick is hot
Guy 2 : Man, I think I got a roll of duct tape with her name on it.

Girl : So a midget construction worker hit on me yesterday
Guy : A midget construction worker. What was he building? A dollhouse?

Girl : Then she said, "without syphillis, we wouldn't have chocolate"

Dad : Boy, you better be sharing them Skittles with yo mama, otherwise you ain't never gonna taste the rainbow again

Man : You look like the black Sigourney Weaver
Woman : I'm not black
Man : Are you Sigourney Weaver?

Guy 1 : Tell me something exciting. I need to live vicariously. All I do is work
Guy 2 : In Paris, a criminal on rollerblades sucked my dick

Chick : There are people who like golden showers and eating shit, but no one likes a small dick

Bag Lady : My name is Madge. I am homeless, completely broke. I haven't eaten in days. I have my period and I am bleeding my clothes right now.

Girl : Yo, this butterscotch tastes like jizz!

Guy on cell : You can't fist someone for that long. They turn into a hand puppet after 5 minutes.

Bike guy : The light's red. Move out of the way
Woman : Fuck you. I don't care if the light's purple, bitch, I cross when I want

Lady : Hey your dog just went to the bathroom. Aren't you going to pick that up?
Man : Who the hell elected you the shit police?

Chick : Wait, I really did sleep with that guy? I need to update my excel spreadsheet

Gay guy on cell : Hey I got here early. The Starbucks is close for renovations, so why don't we just skip to the blowjobs?

Chick : How do mermaids get pregnant? They don't have any legs

Teen girl 1 : He called me a female dog
Teen girl 2 : Oh
Teen girl 1 : Then I set him on fire and he was like "Okay"

Guy 1 : So does giving a guy a handjob make you gay?
Guy 2 : If your wrist starts to hurt and you're still jerking him - then you're gay

Lady : Yo, it smells like dirty dick over here

Guy : Just because you're hot and sweaty doesn't mean you can't have your cock hangin out on a Friday night

Chick : If you can get the perfect balance between alcohol and cocaine, then you've really hit your peak

Jewess : If Miriam acts that way to me again, I am going to slap her pussy bald.