BIG BOTHER

What's the bother? This year's Big Brother has started and a few contestants are driving me up the wall already - it's brilliant and degrading and shocking and pitiful all at the one time. I make no pretensions that I love watching the show despite how cringeworthy it can be, and yes, I admit I think I'd make a good housemate, probably better than some of them in there - but I never put myself up for ridicule and the fleeting fame that 2 weeks in Heat magazine will bring this year's crop before they're photographed badly coming out of cheap parties in London wearing extremely bad outfits, however the majority of this years contestants have already been styled unlike some of last years aka Sam who had the worst hair ever known to grace the TV screen apart from Teri Hatcher's ugly ass curly afro wig in this years finale of Desperate Housewives.

So I'm addicted to this and the casting is superb. I actually know of probably the most infamous contestant. Shahbaz. Shahbaz is supposedly by his own admission "a traditional paki poof" but he's anything but traditional. I remember years ago seeing Shahbaz outside the Italian Centre at 3am directing traffic and dressed as Wonder Woman. I also remember seeing him lipsynch to Dana International's "Diva" in Delmonicas - standing on a stair wearing a purple velvet suit and bright yellow trousers. Shahbaz has gone into meltdown since entering the Big Brother house and last night stole all the housemates food for some manic reason. All the time wearing a hat that belongs on Samuel L Jackson and a pair of marigolds. He mentioned he got his inspiration from Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. Well let me tell you, it was far less Bette Davis or Joan Crawford and more sad old gay man who thinks the whole world is against him. Comedy gold ensued last night when he said he was put in jail after selling his body for £10 in a well known cruising area of Glasgow but they guy beat him up and took the £10 back. I'm not huge on gay rights, but I think Shahbaz believes he's bringing an alternative to the typical gay stereotype portrayed in the media but instead he's managed to make gay people look like crazy bitches who perform like seals and wear marigolds. I do my fair share of performing and wearing marigolds aswell but there's more to me than that!

The rest of the housemates simply seem dull in comparison to attention seeking Shahbaz although they're all in there to get a bit of attention and some fame. I have a few favourites. One being Nikki. She wants to be a Footballers Wife and completely lost the rag the other night because she couldn't drink tap water and screamed and shouted an awful lot, but she's an observant one and has most of the guy's number in the house. Then there's Lea - she has 30M size breasts and spent £35,000 on plastic surgery. I guess Dolly Parton was right. It does take a lot of money to look that cheap. Lea does have age on her side and certainly talks a lot of sense! I like her. My favourite housemate is Pete who has Tourette's Syndrome. His random outbursts of "wanker" and "cunt" were funny at first but now it's just a part of who he is and he's actually probably the most genuine person in the house who doesn't really have a bad opinion. Now Pete has had more ridicule in his life than I suspect Shahbaz has but has none of the issues which is why, at the moment, he's my tip to win although with three months of this - who knows what'll happen.