LAZY AND LUCKY BITCHES

I've been bad and not posted at all this past week - shame on me!! I've been going mental in work and have now booked off the week after next for a wee holiday so I can recharge my batteries. On Tuesday I also went to see Miss Joan Collins in her one woman show in Edinburgh. I was due to go with David but he just started a new job so worked on Jon's good nature and he came along aswell to the capital for the show.

The first half was with comedy band 4 Poofs and a Piano who were both ulgar and very funny. Miss Collins appeared in the second half and chatted about her first husband trying to sell her to an Arab Sheikh, about meeting Marilyn Monroe, working with Paul Newman, Gregory Peck and of course appearing in Dynasty. A lot of her chat was interspersed with clips from her TV Shows and movies and much of it repeated from her autobiography Second Act that I have read cover to cover a few times! She spoke about getting older and said :-
When a woman is 50, she's like Australia, it takes a lot of time and guts to get there but when you do it's warm and friendly but
When a woman is 60, she's like Africa - everyone knows where it is, but no-one wants to go there!

At the end, Joan opened herself to the lions and did a quick Question and Answer section which was comedy gold in itself.
One woman mentioned something about older women being with younger men to which Joan replied "Can someone translate please!?"
One silly queen had a tshirt on with a picture of French and Saunders doing a skit on Joan and Jackie Collins "Lucky Bitches" to which Joan replied "That's nice"
One other woman asked for tips on how to tempt a man "Make him steak and chips or possibly scones and butter!"

After the crazy talk of Joanie, Jon and I ventured deeper into Edinburgh for some drinks. I haven't been out in Edinburgh for 4 or 5 years when I ended up at a party where lots of people were sick and it was full of people singing and I slept on a blow up mattress - it was vile and particularly studenty. This time, we went to a bar I'd been to before but had been given a homo makeover and it wasn't pretty! The next bar didn't bode well with it's obvious name "Planet Out" but it was a good laugh although the bars in Edinburgh should learn to lower their prices during the week - it was obscene! Jon persuaded me, kicking and screaming naturally to go to a club and we tried Vibe @ Ego. This was a revelation!! Great music, stunning guys and excellent venue - who knew that you CAN find a vodka in a bar for £1 and on a schoolnight! The atmosphere was fab and it was good to know a soul and just shake my shammy. Jon and I were both working the next day so left kind of sharpish and Jon drove us home, I was particularly but had such fun that we've booked up to spend the night in Edinburgh when I'm off on holiday so we can have a real party night and not worry about work the next day. The rest of the week was a haze of dancing and work and hot weather and some drinking and sleeping this weekend. Was in the pub last nigth for a wee shift and was stuck in lesbian corner. They were all really rough and must be so rich because the majority drank pints of cider and blackcurrant with a cheeky shot of sambuca - I may be a lucky bitch but the lesbians in Glasgow are greedy bitches - don't they eat out enough?!!!!