TOO DARN HOT FOR A PHAROAH STORY BECAUSE WE ARE WHAT WE ARE

I've become obsessed by musicals all over again - any old Broadway or West End musical will do - so long as it gets me puffing my chest out, taking a wide stance with my legs and raising my arms involuntary moments whilst turning my head very dramatically. I admit to being possibly one of the world's worst singers but some shows and their catchy tunes get me acting like I was in am dram production of The Mikado without the bad scenery or chopsticks.

Here follows some musicals I've seen, some I've not, some songs I like and some songs that are crazy crazy crazy!

JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT - I was in the chorus in my Primary 6 show and then one of Joseph's brothers in Primary 7. This was all in 1990 and 1991 when Jason Donovan was starring the revival so we were all caught up in the hoopla to get big audiences in school. I was naturally disappointed not to be Joseph but I made sure I was involved in the killing scene with Joseph! A year or so later, I went to Edinburgh with a friend to see it done professionally and it was amazing. We got autographs of the Narrator and of Joseph himself, David Dixon who was an Aussie soap star and also supported Kylie on her first tour in the UK with his demi rock band, Indecent Obsession. David Dixon was fab and looked hot with only a loin cloth!

DREAMGIRLS - Cameron sent me a link for a trailer with the new movie starring Beyonce Knowles as Deena Jones. This won't be a patch on Jennifer Holiday's performance as Effie. I'm Not Telling You I'm Not Going is incredible and gives me goosebumps everytime I hear it. 2 years ago, we headed to Blackpool and went to Funny Girls where they started the show with a burlesquey smokey performance of "One Night Only" It was very Vegas and shimmery and glam except when we left it was freezing and we were in greyer than grey Blackpool where men were men and so were most of the women if they weren't in a zimmer.

STARLIGHT EXPRESS - For one of my early teen birthdays, I got a few show tapes, one was Sunset Boulevard and the other was Starlight Express. This show intrigued me with it's rollerskating theme and people supposed to be trains. The production on this musical sounded superb with rock, country and motown sounds present which made it as catchy as a dose of crabs. Starlight Express is FINALLY coming to Glasgow in the next month or two and I have no intention of not making it to hear killer songs like Next Time You Fall In Love and Crazy. I judged a dance competition once and a team did a showdance to Starlight Express and stupidly wore roller skates as well. It was difficult not to laugh when in a 3 minute showdance, the majority of the team feel flat on their ass rather too regularly!

KISS ME KATE - Not an immediate smash for me. My high school performed this 2 years before I arrived and was never one that caused too much excitement. Recently, I've listened to some of the songs again like Why Can't You Behave and Too Darn Hot which made me realise what a great show this actually is. So In Love sounds like a fabulous Vienesse Waltz once it gets going. I still don't get the whole plot as gangsters are involved with a production of Shakespeare's, The Taming of the Shrew. No doubt David will enlighten me when he reads this as any musical which has Ann Miller and Howard Keel must be a classic to him.

BARNUM - Again not one that I immediately was drawn to but in 4th year at high school, I was Barnum in our production. Our music department splashed out and nabbed the scenery from another local am dram company and it was wonderful to see and rather ingenious. I performed magic tricks, dressed up as a clown and all sorts of nonsense involving producing a bouquet of flowers from my sleeve, setting a fire to a hat using a lighter which I don't think would really be allowed now. I took a strop halfway through rehearsals as I didn't feel appreciated and phoned the director in tears threatening to quit as she was directing me too much (I kid you not) and not praising me enough. She massaged my ego enough for me to continue and the show was sold out for it's week run in our theatre. I'm most proud of this role as I couldn't really hold a note but sang the whole way through thinking I was fabulous. Michael Crawford never needed to worry about my ambitions to take his place!

WICKED - An unbelievable musical that I'm actually going to see in November in London where Idina Menzel will be playing Elpheba again - what a fantastic opportunity. I adore the songs which are amongst the most played on my iPod. Defying Gravity, For Good and Popular can't be beaten and to see David, Cameron and I trying to outdo each other whenever Kristin Chenoweth sings out has to be seen to be believed or to laugh at. Cameron normally gets the nod in this as he's got that whole Britney Spears twang to his singing voice and can sound scarily like a young witch from Oz with long blonde hair!

SUNSET BOULEVARD - When I went to New York in 1996, my parents and I booked in and went to the theatre and got seats to see Elaine Paige as Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard - the seats where smack bang in the middle, 3 rows from the front of the stage. Walking to our seats, my parents and I were gobsmacked. We were kind of used to North American audiences getting involved in the shows when in Canada, the forks were given a standing ovation during Beauty and the Beast but when Elaine walked on, she got an ovation and when she opened her mouth she got another one. The show was fabulous and I was well prepared by playing the Patti LuPone version on my walkman all through the holiday. Sidenote - when we left the theatre, my mum pointed to a rather fey man walking down the stairs slightly in front of me and asked my dad who it was as he was familiar, it wasn't until last year that I realised who it was when I read his book - only Quentin bloody Crisp. Oh and Sunset Boulevard with As If We Never Said Goodbye and The Lady's Paying is just old style Hollywood Fabulous Glamour Amazing!