HIGH KICK HI JINX

I went out on Thursday night with Jon and Stewart. I hadn't really planned a wild night but somehow the measures we were pouring in the flat had me liquored up like Judy Garland on one of her comebacks. So we were walking round to the Tunnel when a guy stopped and spoke to us, he asked if he could walk round with us to the club. Now never one to be rude (!) he joined us and he looked awfully familiar. It then clicked, he was the hot Asian guy I screwed the other week - no wonder he gave me a cheeky look. The dirty bitch! Sadly he couldn't quite cut the shapes on the dancefloor and ended up pulling some wild moves ala Michael Jackson but a Glaswegian Asian version - unlike the ugly white woman that Michael Jackson has become!

Liquored up like Judy Garland was only the start as I got my second wind and was chatting to my friend Alan. I decided it must be a good idea to put my hands on my hips and do some high kicks. No showgirl had possessed me but by god, I was kicking higher and higher and then all of a sudden my rather tight jeans to start with, ripped from crotch to knee. I was rather taken aback and realised how ferocious I must have been. Alan, Jon and Stewart found it hilarious whereas I found it quite chilly with freshish club air going up my drawers. It was even worse when I left not long after the trouser incident and the cold Glasgow air hit my crotch even harder!

Then last night, I left my old job and had another drink or 14 after finishing with my old team - a cracking bunch, then I headed out with Jon again and a guy we've all known for ages, one of Jon's ex's Peter. However, last night wasn't without incident. A bloody fire started in the Polo and we were outside freezing our fannies off for an hour - we headed to another gay club, Bennets which was wild as all hell with some wild rough boys swinging lightsticks. Eventually, we were let back in and I grabbed my jacket and bags - the staff got me a rather fabulous leather man bag, and some vodka and some aftershave and some skincare products - they know me so well.