SSB

After reading the comment left by 'Anonymous' it got me thinking in a Samantha Jones manner, a lot of my posts are about sex and my sexual escapades. I don't write these to brag but to entertain. Maybe it's just me but I find sex quite funny and whenever i'm with someone in bed or sauna or lift or taxi or sling or toilet I always have a laugh, I thought you were supposed to enjoy sex, as Joan Crawford once said 'I like sex and it likes me' I only wish it liked me on a more regular basis!! I certainly don't apologise for writing my blog in any way I want as it's cathartic for me to get my experiences on paper as such. This is like a journal or diary. I wrote a diary for a year once in the year 2000, it made interesting reading 2 years later when I found it during one of my infamous clearouts where everything was binned rather than given to friends or charity shop although when I moved into my flat Jon and David cadged enough CDs to start their own branch of Gay Virgin. I digress though, maybe the blog isn't all camp but really, even Alexis Colby had some sombre moments, like when she met her son Steven again after they all thought he had died on an oil rig in the South China Sea. He had had plastic surgery and turned from Al Corley to Jack Coleman, which is no mean feat although Alexis was just delighted to see her most loved child again.

I am pretty much at ease with my sexuality and in this day in age it's not really an issue, I have hangups about the way I am with other gay men and my inability to get truly intimate with anyone in any sort of loving relationship (other than my friends of course). I'm an almost typical bitchy queen and continually question myself as a 26 year old who has had only 1 longish term relationship. I fear being alone for the rest of my life and as much as I love single life there's sometimes something missing. Like tonight, would have been nice to come home to find my handsome man on the sofa with dinner and Desperate Housewives ready to go. Instead I came home to some dirty dishes from breakfast this morning and a dodgy light needing fixed in the living room, then at other times I relish the chance to be alone and chill out like during a Sunday afternoon when I can do my vaccuming and dusting and bleaching the toilet or when I sit with a couple of rolls and ham and read OK! and Hello! magazine - thats my SSB (Secret Single Behaviour) I'm a man of many contradictions who has a lot to give. i won't settle for someone just to be in a relationship with them, I'd sooner be alone than have to settle but give me 10 years and I could be settling which is a contradiction in itself.

This has definitely been one of my deeper posts but I think I've covered some things that a lot of people feel may they be gay bi or straight. I would love to know how some truly skanky looking guys manage to pull on a regular basis in the Polo on a Friday when I'm heading round the corner to the chip shop with Cameron and Jon. I can be standoffish which has been a problem of mine for years. Jon gIves good advice on dates:- just smile and nod. It seems to work for him, I do that but always end up like an open book with my sexual desire and need for romance which deep down I think we all need to an extent. Anyway that one comment has got me deep and meaningful for a change - I hope it wasn't too skanky for anyone's taste. I had planned a post on an old Hollywood actress but this sidetracked me, still it'll come back cos aftr all, tomorrow is another day, Scarlett O'Hara be damned!