HAPPY AS A LESBIAN

The dentist from heaven has saved the day - I'm on antibiotics and the swelling of my gum isn't half as painful as it was this weekend - I felt like Fun Bobby from Friends except I was only fun without the toothache as I only went out for a while on Friday night. Last night, because my dentist is near to my parents, I stayed there for only the 2nd time since I moved out - I won't do it again in a hurry. Nothing had changed and I still had my own room minus any entertainment systems - it just has a bed and wardrobes, similar to a Wentworth Detention Centre prison cell - but I'm settled in my own place now and can't imagine going back home to stay for any length of time - besides I'm quite partial to kicking about in the buff and I can't see my mum, dad or brother taking to THAT habit!

The public humiliation that this year's Big Brother contestants are subjecting both them and us to has reached new lows - so desperate are they for fame that Channel 4 have taken great delight in filming the losers after they leave the house in their quest for everlasting recognition. Tonight, Lesley, the big breasted bully from Huddersfield was shown in a limo drinking cheap champagne and judging a lapdancing competition back home - possibly because the big smoke of London couldn't accomodate her bad attitute or her boobs. She said that she heard some people being catty toward her for giving Huddersfield a bad name and she said to them 'Fuck you, I'm the only person from Huddersfield to get into the Big Brother house' Her class knows no bounds. Next episode is of Maxwell and Saskia - the most disgusting fuo this side of Dastardly and Muttley singing their way through a karaoke version of Especially For You by Kylie and Jason - this is sacrilege but like kinky porn, it's kinda sick and you can't help but watch.

I finally paid for Ireland and my trip in September is looking good - it's only 2 nights away for the wedding of my friends Debs and Shaun but I'm longing for a wee break to get my motor going again. This Saturday is her hen night and we're going for dinner and then drinks in the West End, hopefully she's avoiding the pots and pans that were mentioned months ago. As the token queerbait, Jon, David, Stewart and myself are all invited to the hen do and spice it up with our filthy chat and fabulous style... A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do! Sometimes I get bogged down with work and with the dancing season starting up soon, a quick getaway is just what I need - that and a dick in my touche on a regular basis and I'd be as happy as lesbian at a Melissa Etheridge concert. Because of Ireland and also Gran Canaria (which I'm really looking forward to) I'm giving Pride in Manchester a miss this year. Last year was great fun with tales of saunas, chlorine, baby oil and anonymous cock grabbing aplenty, but I'm giving it all up to spend a few days with people who eat roast potatoes for breakfast and have apparently very little fashion sense.....