A GLORIOUS, GLAMOROUS AFFAIR

I thought it only right to have my last post of 2005 with my two favourite movie queens together in a suitably stylish manner. Rather than have an essay retrospective on my last year, I thought I would bullet point it in a similar fashion to last year's - with just a quick flick through my previous posts and just for self indulgence and fun here it is...

JANUARY
- I watched Jackie Stallone and was hooked on her odder than odd appearance
- Diana Ross still looked damn fine
- I was horny as hell and not getting enough cock
- I was really into my daytime soapies especially The Young & The Restless or Y & R as all true soap fiends call it.
- I was also really into Melrose Place and Dynasty (as always)

FEBRUARY
- I seemed to be drinking a fair bit
- I still want to be Harriet Makepeace in Dempsey and Makepeace

MARCH
- Joan Crawford rocked my world with her shoulderpads and fuck me heels
- The Golden Girls had a comeback in my living room
- Kylie's Showgirl Tour came to Glasgow and I almost pissed my panties with excitement
- Kylie danced for me and Jon on the opening night of her tour
- I too am like a showgirl without the feathers but with added strut
- I flew to San Francisco with David and Jon for an eventful trip of a lifetime
- I got shitfaced in a hot San Francisco bar with some rather dodgy people
- A homeless woman pissed down a grate in the middle of the street

APRIL
- After San Fran went to NYC for 5 mental days and nights
- Had a kinky threesome with a guy from MTV and an art gallery owner
- Still got the scars to prove it on my leg
- Where else can you get booze and condoms and marching powder after going to dirty dives like The Cock (a nightclub)
- Saw Amanda LePore and JC Chasez and Lisa Marie Presley
- Watched Footballers Wives again - Tanya Turner and the dodgy fake tan!
- I turned 26 - so not fun!
- I drank a lot this month aswell
- Went to Manchester to see Kylie with Jon. Was good fun but nowhere near as much fun as Glasgow

MAY
- Headed to London to see Kylie and hook up with pal Rod for a night at Rude Boyz - the kinkiest chav night in the UK. Saw my friend Stewart on his knees doing what he does best and sucked off a few random guys - the cutest out of the lot had the worst tasting spunk.
- Kylie was UNBELIEVABLE - 2 rows from the front and she sang an acapella verse or two of "Got to be Certain" on the first night we were there. The best night ever!!
- On the last night, saw her sister Dannii dancing along as well - she's my new best friend or we locked eyes for a bit!
- Then Kylie was diagnosed with cancer and I had to take a few days off work
- I became enthralled by some rather amazing books - the Lucia series by EF Benson. Definitely in my top 3 books of all time alongside "Bette and Joan : The Divine Feud" and "Lovers and Gamblers" by Jackie Collins
- Tallulah Bankhead and her madcap life cracked me up a fair bit
- Big Brother started and I was gobsmacked at the housemates vulgarity although Kemal muttering "Come on head dress, don't let me down bitch" has to be one of the best things I've heard for a while.
- Desperate Housewives Season 1 ended rather fabulously

JUNE
- Started going to Burly at the Arches, a rougher night where men were supposed to be men but most were camper than me and Julian Clary at a cake party
- A girl in work found her little brother's 14 year old best friend sniffing her knickers
- Caught up with my friend Psychic Mabel and her mad children.
- Bette Davis and Joan Crawford movies were order of the month as I watched their new DVD collections

JULY
- Stephanie Beacham can still kick ass and is utterly fabulous
- G8 protestors pissed me off a bit
- An acquaintance of mine got arrested for giving a blowjob in a doorway
- He got let out the next day
- My lesbionic cousin came to stay and we had a wild night out with her and her luuuvvvarr. It goes to show that lezzers aren't 100% vile - just 99.9%

AUGUST
- Makosi should have won Big Brother
- I had terrible toothache which upset me a fair bit apparently
- I watched a fair bit of Charlie's Angels (The Farrah season)
- I went to Manchester again for Pride. And hated it just as much as it was so busy and had to queue everywhere.

SEPTEMBER
- Continuing with vintage TV - I watched Murder, She Wrote and was disappointed to find I could guess quite a few of the killers
- I also became rehooked on all things Falcon Crest and Jane Wymanish
- I drank a fair bit
- Desperate Housewives returned and was rather fab

OCTOBER
- I watched some hot porn
- I pretended to do detox but gave up after a week or so
- I was rather sociable, going out a fair bit and being fabulous
- Britain's Next Model isn't as good as America's but just as addictive
- Madonna released a killer song although now it's a bit OTT for Hung Up

NOVEMBER
- I went to Gran Canaria for 9 days
- It wasn't as good as last time but I've never slept so much
- I haven't really been able to drink vodka and redbull since being there
- Watched some great Joan Crawford movies again
- Went to see the inspired Lypsinka as part of Glasgay and felt all cultural
- She almost made me wet myself with laughter
- I managed to hold it in

DECEMBER
- Started a new role in work
- Became hooked on Lady Bunny
- Enjoyed some mature loving
- Worked in my usual dancing and drinking club over Xmas
- Still have shaky hands when holding drinks
- Was a bit of a dirty
- Drank less than I have all year!

So that's 2005 almost over but what next? More of the same? More thrills and spills and whips and chains and cocks and socks and men and drinks and dancing and laughs and tears and everything in between - Who knows but Scarlett O'Hara was right - tomorrow is another day and I can't wait......