TOP 25 CAMP FILMS OF ALL TIME

FEMALE TROUBLE

Rarely have I ever seen a film that left me so exhausted that I needed a sleep in a darkened, quiet room more than John Water's trash epic Female Trouble.

Water's star turn Divine plays Dawn Davenport who introduces herself like this :-Davenport. Dawn Davenport! I'm a thief and a shitkicker, and, uh, I'd like to be famous.

A high school hooligan with a chip on her shoulder. She's tough and sMokes and wants cha-cha heels for Xmas. When she doesn't get them, she throws a Xmas tree over her mother and storms out the house. She hitches a ride with a man also played by Divine and ends up pregnant by him and gives birth to Taffy who turns out to be retarded. It's possibly the most un-pc movie ever. To pay for Taffy and herself, Dawn becomes a waitress, a stripper (yes Divine in a bikini) and a thief. She hooks up with Cookie Mueller which is actually her real name who tells her about getting her hair done at a salon where the customers are interviewed. Dawn falls in love with the hippy and straight hairdresser Gator. He lives with his Aunt Ida who's into bondage and ends up in a cage with one arm. Aunt Ida is played the legend Edith Massey and she wants Gator to be gay like the other hairdressers.

Dawn ends up working at the salon for Donald and Donna Dasher and starts a life of crime in cahoots with them. Her rebellion phase really kicks in as she believes that crime is beauty. She goes on a rampage and kills her daughter who has turned into a Hare Krishna. She also has acid thrown in her face and starts a nightclub act where she eats raw fish, bounces on a trampoline and kills the audience. She ends up in the electric chair which is her greatest achievement as crime really is beauty.

Now I've watched John Waters interviews and he claims the plot wasn't hatched during an acid blow out but having Divine scream and actually chew scenery for 90 minutes is exhausting but crazy and entirely memorable. It's Waters' favourite film of his and although doesn't have the notoriety of Pink Flamingos, it's plot and acting are infinitely better. Divine is a tour de force as the outrageous Dawn Davenport with crazy outfits and lines and her sparring with both Edith Massey whose arms she chops off when Edith is wearing some crazy bondage gear and also with Mink Stole who played retarded Taffy. Mink is crazy nuts in the film with an outfit that haks back to Bette Davis in Baby Jane but it's Divine's show from start to finish and it's just fabulous for it.

The whole film will leave you tired but well worth it - if only for the wild quotations you can pull.......

MR DAVENPORT - Nice girls don't wear cha cha heels. (I have a book with this title which is possibly the best book title ever written)

IDA - The world of the heterosexual is a sick and boring life.

DAWN - I've DONE everything a mother can do: I've locked her in her room, I've beat her with the car aerial. Nothing changes her. It's hard being a loving mother!

GATOR - I got off on it! I really got off on it!
DAWN - Oh DID you? Well, hip hip hooray for your cheap climax! What about ME, fuck face

DAWN - You're a pain, Taffy. A pain in my big asshole!

GATOR - Hey Taffy, baby, come suck your daddy's dick.
TAFFY - I wouldn't suck your lousy dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls!

IDA - Queers are just better. I'd be so proud if you was a fag.

DAWN - Is Earl Peterson there? Earl Peterson. This is Dawn Davenport. Dawn Davenport... you made love to me Christmas morning. Well I just called to tell you I'm pregnant and I want money.
EARL - You stole my wallet, you fat bitch!
DAWN - So what if I did? I want money!

Now there is no reason why you can't use these in your every day life. Dawn did and although crime is beauty, it's also a crazy ass film that will linger for a while afterwards.

TRIVIA

- Divine was heckled in her nightclub act in the 80s and was told "Go Fuck Yourself" which she replied that she already did in the film when Dawn has sex with Earl on a dirty mattress. Earl was played out of drags by Divine.

- In the final scene, where Dawn is electrocuted - the setting was an actual prison.

- John Waters took it to the prison to premiere the film. As the credits rolled, apparently, the room fell silent.

- Dawn gave birth to a fellow star's child who had been born days beforehand. The actresses mother in law was on set as Divine ripped off the umbilical cord with her teeth - for the film at least!